Lessons from Porn - Expert knowledge collection! (112)

1 Name: Hugo Boulles : 1993-09-5056 23:09

4-ch shines with the collection of stuff we really know about. Feel free to add.

-women generally wear high heeled shoes in bed
-nurses in hospitals do not need to have similar uniforms at all
-there is a holy sequence of order in copulation which is always the same. Therefore the good part always starts around halfway of the movie.
-all women without exception are thrilled if you squirt over their clean clothes or hair.
-as long as women get pleasured they are unaware or do not care about the gender of her partner(s)
-about fifty percent of all women do not wear panties
-there exists no such woman that uses tampons.

2 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5056 23:25

-Asia Carrera is sex on two legs, I tell you what

3 Name: Hue G. Reckshun : 1993-09-5056 23:27

  • your penis is of inadequate size.
  • delivery, repair, and pool maintenance are ideal careers in which to enjoy casual sex on the job.
  • breasts are often spherical, and occasionally defy gravity.

4 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5056 23:53

-women are objects

5 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 00:10

  • men are objects

6 Name: MODD!5JrU4QOlH6 : 1993-09-5057 00:10

>>1-3 are banned.

7 Name: Todd Shaftesbury : 1993-09-5057 00:21

Just as beer is bad after wine, pussy is bad after anal

8 Name: MODD!5JrU4QOlH6 : 1993-09-5057 00:31

>>4-6 are permabanned

9 Name: Fok Mei Twat : 1993-09-5057 00:41

-womans vocabulary in bed is limited to "Oh yeah," "Fuck me," "Oh God," and some variations on "Oooh!" and "Aaah!" Outside bed they tend to rely mostly on body language.

10 Name: Meso Hawrnee : 1993-09-5057 00:51

  • Spontaneous anal intercourse is always pleasurable for both partners, and nothing ever goes horribly wrong.

11 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 00:54

Women ALWAYS get massive orgasms when you rub your cock between their breasts.

12 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 01:21

All Japanese girls have 16 pixels for a vagina.

13 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 01:25

A woman not making noise for more than five seconds is not genuinely enjoying herself and they're faking it.

14 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 01:26

All Japanese men have an invisible penis.

15 Name: Anna Lynn serzione : 1993-09-5057 01:37

Japanese women look like they're suffering, baring their lower teeth and looking close to a nervous breakdown. But really, they are very sensitive and have difficulty handling the intense pleasures.

16 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 01:38

All Japanese men have a weird, blocky, pixelated penis.

17 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 02:58

In Japan, genitals have black dashes across them.

18 Name: John Long : 1993-09-5057 13:51

I see we clearly have different types of porn, at least between Japanese and Western (not cowgirl western, I'm talking about Europe/America)

19 Name: Hugo Boulles : 1993-09-5057 14:08

given the specific tastes of the general public of 4-ch, this thread is now opened for all knowledge concerning hentai and yaoi as well!!!

-inserting penis in cervix is easily possible by forcefully pulling it down (grab via colon)

20 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 21:03

-if you touch a woman at her erogenous zones, she becomes defenseless immediately and very horny at least one page later

21 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 21:12

Rape is always successful. Only when the last rapist has let out his last drop will the victim be allowed to be saved/escape/beat the guys to a pulp/make a pun. Failed rape attempt is not in the Japanese dictionary.

22 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 22:50

make a pun.... lol

23 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 23:29

Steroid using muscle girls are never having sex with guys, because their vaginal muscles will reflexively chop off a guy's wang.

24 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 23:58

>>that's a thing bothering me in the startrek series too... how do they know that the female species don't chop of the wang inside to procreate?

25 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 02:52

>>24

>>the only biological difference among startrek's alien species is the arrangement of lumps on their foreheads

26 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 02:52

>>24

In Star Trek, the species' only physiological differences are in forehead configuration and skin-tone.

27 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 02:55

>>That was either synchronicity, or I have an evil doppleganger

28 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 03:05

I think it was JISAKU JIEN.

29 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 18:27

[hentai]
really horny boys can also penetrate the uterus

30 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 22:10

>>29

Not to mention the urethra,, the nipples, and in extreme cases, the ovaries.

31 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 22:13

>>30
Call that extreme? I take it you haven't seen the gif where a girl gets fucked vagoo to nostril/mouth.

32 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 22:13

31 getting in 20 year old poster thread.

33 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 22:15

32 i mean

34 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 22:16

fuck 33 i mean 34

35 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 22:16

>>32
Dude, you fail.

36 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 23:40

>>356 typoget

37 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 23:43

>>31

Nope. I've seen the one where the guy fucks the girl so hand she literally splits in half though.

Impressive thing was, it was horizontally.

38 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5059 01:18

>>37
/r/ rapidshit

39 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5059 16:34

>>37 sounds like some mangaka who had a warped concept of what sandwiching is all about.

40 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 08:33

Everything John K Pe-ta has ever drawn is 100% real to life.

41 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 11:59

With enough skill, one can penetrate all 12 orifices with one penis/tentacle.

42 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 13:52

please elaborate on the 12 orifices. I can only count 8 and that already includes ears and urethra...

43 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 13:58

>>42

Earx2

Eyesocketx2

Nostrilx2

Mothx1

Nipplesx2

Urethrax1

Vaginax1

Assx1

And that's not counting things like tits and hands, which can be used like orifices

44 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 14:09

>>43 I didn't know eyesockets could be used as orifices. they look pretty closed to me.

45 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 14:24

>>44

You obviously don't go to Gurochan very often.

46 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 14:53

Semen is the tastiest substance on earth, and you can apparently taste it on your face.

47 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 16:22

Do not ever talk about getting creampie when you're in the company of other people

48 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 16:51

>>43 I didn't know moths could be orifices. they look pretty closed to me.

49 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 18:17

>>43
You also neglected to mention open wounds

50 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 18:25

>>49
also don't forget the holes from piercings

51 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 18:48

most girls would look like porn starlets if they just didn't wear clothes

52 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5061 03:03

Nobody needs a Kleenex after they've had sex.

53 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5061 05:55

>>48
Moths have orifices of their own.

Being able to penetrate them probably isn't something to brag about, though.

54 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5064 23:41

There is nothing more beautiful than the love between a Japanese woman and 25 eels.

55 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5065 02:31

"Who's your daddy" is a good thing to say in bed.

56 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5065 23:50

If, during the act of coitus, one happens to be wearing what is termed a "cowboy hat" in the colonies, atop one's head, it is customary at one point or another to exclaim "NOT TODAY YOU DON'T" at the act's "receiving" party's protestations.

57 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5066 21:23

There is no such thing as a dry vagina

58 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5067 12:05

>>52
Nobody needs a Kleenex during sex.

59 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5067 15:39

This works only in the regular restaurants. Use this to gain access to SubWay Premium Service. I got this from a good friend of mine who used to work in the SubWay kitchen, and still make use of it frequently. Here goes.

When you go to SubWay to buy a sandwhich, you should know that there's a secret code in the form of an exact recipe of your sub. You want the wholewheat bread, halfsized, with chicken. Have it toasted. Refuse the cheese but ask for extra butter. No lettuce, but cucumber and peppers and that's it for vegetables. You want mayonaise sauce AND chili-sauce on that. The waitress will ask if you really want that, but stand firm and insist on this order. This is crucial to the process. No salt, no pepper. Not for take-away but for consumption on the spot. When you pay, give exact change, receive the single 'sub-club' coupon, put it in your mouth and swallow it while still at the counter. When you have done this all correctly, you will be taken through the kitchen to a special private room. The waitress will spend an hour with you, you can do all you want with her, she will love it and it is completely free of charge.

Now you also know why subway only hires clean, young girls. Protip: select your waitress by intelligent use of the line i.e. let other people in front of you to be the one in line for your desired waitress.

p.s. don't forget your Sandwhich when you leave the place! happened to me a couple of times hehehe :)

60 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5067 18:58

>>59
spam or true story?

61 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5067 22:41

>>60
both

62 Name: 59 : 1993-09-5068 09:47

This is no spam, I've typed the story here on 4-ch for the first time and never shared it so far. Go try it out, you know you want to!

63 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5068 11:21

wait wait wait. my subway does not offer chili sauce or butter. what do i do? also, is half-sized 6 inch or half of a 6 inch?

64 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5068 19:27

There are fat Japanese women, but they never have sex with guys, they just sit on them until the guy gets hurt. http://jams.kir.jp FTW

65 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5068 19:35

Girls don't poop. Their assholes can be streched 3 inches across, and not a hint of brown is in there.

66 Name: meta knowledge : 1993-09-5068 19:53

  • If it exists, there is porn of it.
  • One man's disgust is another man's fetish.
  • There is no such thing as too much porn.

67 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5070 01:14

>>63
The moment they hear those key words, they start the secret ritual.

68 Name: 59 : 1993-09-5070 10:52

>>67 is correct. The point is to submit the correct code, the resulting sandwich is of lesser importance.

69 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5072 14:05

-Men are never impotent.
-When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
-If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
-Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
-Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
-Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
-Women always orgasm when men do.
-A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding fine.
-All women are noisy fucks.
-People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
-A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
-Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
-If there are two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)
-Double penetration makes women smile. (And DVDA really makes them tickled pink)
-If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
-When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
-Nurses suck patients' cocks.
-Men always pull out.
-When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
-Women never have headaches... or periods.
-When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
-A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
-Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
-Men don't have to beg.
-When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

70 Name: Torino Grandsenhor : 1993-09-5072 19:38

>>69 wow! very true, most of them. Truly expert knowledge, And a very watchful eye.

-men may also place both hands on the womans head when she blows.
-women will also frequently say 'fuck me' when she clearly already has a big bone in her cunt pumping wildly. I'm unsure whether this is an invitation to keep going on, or whether the confirmation is to make herself understand what's happening and to gain the illusion of being in control.
-not every nurse sucks cock, but night-nurses do by definition.
-regarding the woman caught masturbating by a strange man, she will in fact only be happy that she can get real meat, but she'll fake embarrassment sometimes.

71 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5072 19:59

If the situation calls for it, every man is gay and every woman is a lesbian.

72 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5072 20:01

> STD

This is not a consequence of sex why did you say it

73 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5073 10:56

-Anal sex seems to be as easy as normal penetration. Also, the female anus and lower colon are naturally clean and there is no objection to taking a penis into mouth that has been inside a womans ass for a while.

74 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5073 11:38

Lube is never necessary.

75 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5073 12:15

Nobody ever gets cramps.

76 Name: Jacky Fontana : 1993-09-5075 23:03

Black people have penises long enough to touch their knees with

77 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5075 23:48

If a spaceship is manned by an all female crew, a tentacle-d monster is surely lying in wait somewhere on said ship. For rape.

78 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5076 00:03

The girl always gets only 1 orgasm, always at the same time as the guy, and always announces it clearly.

79 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5076 00:58

If you are a guy, and you happen to find yourself in a women-only building, you will be sexed by multiple girls. If you look nerdy, you will be sexed by multiple girls until you pass out and can't tell if you were dreaming, or if something really happened.

80 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5077 20:43

Bottles have a purpose. Putting something inside bottles... is the world upside down.

81 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5089 02:34

bump

82 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5089 04:53

>>81
That is not a lesson learned from porn why did you say it

83 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5089 20:12

>>78
And amazingly enough the orgasm seems intimately connected to the act of ejaculating; if the male character is wearing a condom at the time, his female counterpart will certainly be left wanting.

84 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5089 20:29

>>83 In the rare event that the female gets an orgasm before the guy(s), the male(s) will use it as blackmail against her. She'll be very ashamed for being such a slut.

85 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5089 22:12

  • There is no such thing as rape, because the female starts wanting it shortly after the male puts it in.
  • If you have enough sex with a girl, she'll eventually become your sex starved slave.

86 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5091 12:50

pee tastes good.

87 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5122 17:44

shit tastes delicious

88 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5122 20:04

Cum is mana from heaven.

89 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5126 18:40

>>87
But it only comes out of Germans and Japanese. Other nationalities don't produce it.

90 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5127 00:13

nurses are remarkably good looking for their meagre pay, and their working environment proves to be unexpectedly varied.

I have seen various miraculous recoveries of male patients, frequently with various, apparently severe bone fractures, due to the healing medicine of lust and tight pussy. In fact, so strong is the power of the flesh that even rather exotic positions can be attained relatively easy.

91 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5127 00:27

All wrestling matches end up with something sticking into some hole regardless of gender or sexuality.

92 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5133 23:43

All girls will find a camera, and stare at it like they are taking a family picture at K Mart while being reamed savagely.

93 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5133 23:58

Tasers work differently in Japan than in the rest of the world. The girl will always go limp and pass out, and wake up an hour later in bondage, ready for sex.

94 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5134 03:16

Now matter how cool you think you are with porn, there is a fetish to make you vomit.
And someone will be turned on when you do.

95 Name: Easyma Careera : 1993-09-5165 06:43

Creampie will never taste the same anymore

96 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5165 07:04

Every woman no matter how young or old loves the cock.

97 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5165 10:36

Girls generally can't wait to become 18 and have their tender hips strewn around some heavy mans' waist and their just-now legal lower body ravaged by a huge bone. Camming it just heightens their tension.

98 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5165 18:21

Young boys are all build like horses. Those rare ones who aren't can bring to orgasm women three times their size with little effort.

99 Name: meijin : 1993-09-5166 23:37

and young boy are all ways tricked into a "horse show"

100 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5167 02:22

The average male penis is between 8-10 inches and the average bra size is 36DD.

101 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5167 03:00

Hermaphrodites (futanari) have no balls but can spurt semen like forever.

102 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5167 03:17

There's no point in using lubrication during buttsex. Ever.

(also >>101 you silly wabbit, semen doesn't come from the balls. Sperm cells do, but that's like 1% of the entire emission.)

103 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5167 19:37

There's a time for this and a time for that. Also there's always time for sex, especially if a cameraman is present.

104 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5168 07:11

We're discussing penises, would you care to join?

105 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5170 01:05

All lesbians secretly want the cock, and instantly become bisexual the moment a well-hung man enters the room.

106 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5170 01:05

All lesbians are femme. Butch lesbians are a myth, and do not exist.

107 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5175 21:45

It is not uncommon for your penis to suddenly warp from vagina hole to ass hole and your partner will be totally unphased by this switch.

108 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5519 03:16

For a man that needs sex with multiple anonymous partners, pizza delivery is one of the best career choices.

109 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5519 06:11

If your shower is broken, go to the incredibly attractive girl next door's house. She'll be alone, horny, and let you use her shower.

110 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5519 06:57

>>109
Actually that is a real thing. My friend tried it on five different dorms, and after talking his way out of being reported on the first four tries, this horrendously disgusting but nevertheless member of the female species accepted his offer.

111 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5525 16:31

No matter how many dicks they take, all women's vaginas are eternally tight.

112 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5526 00:42

>>111 But whenever necessary, a 3 liter wine bottle will fit.

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