[NOVEL] DQN Shirt Novel [FAIRLY NICE] (672)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 05:43

The shirt was

2 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 05:47

fairly nice, with a

3 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 06:39

v neck.

4 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 07:23

The shirt was wearing a shirt.

5 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 07:25

It was a fairly nice shirt.

6 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 08:17

The shirt's shirt was wearing >>1.

7 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 08:48

>>1 was fairly nice.

8 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 15:13

The shirt was a fairy, nice!

9 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 15:47

And then the shirt exploded.

10 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 17:07

( ˃ ƒŽ˂) Showering fairy dust everywhere!

11 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 17:27

Then an angry DQN tied the ends of the threads of the shirt to needles and disassembled it as it knitted a pair of mittens out of it.

12 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 19:25

but it wasn't just any pair of knitted mittens, it was a

13 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 19:31

mitten for shirts.

14 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 20:40

Fairly nice shirts.

15 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 21:31

The mittens were somewhat nice.

16 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 22:04

"These will never do!" grumbled the angry DQN. He opened the window to his basement apartment and shouted out "THEY'RE NOT NICE ENOUGH!!!"

DQN's mom knocked on his door and told him to be quiet.

17 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 01:33

DQN's mom was wearing a shirt.

The shirt was wearing >>1. A fairly nice >>1.

>>1 was wearing a shirt wearing a fairy wearing a shirt wearing shirt wearing DQN wearing a fairly nice fairy wearing mittens (somewhat nice) threaded from shirts worn by DQN's mom and pop.

DQN's mom was not nice.

18 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 12:44

DQN's mom's shirt was

19 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 13:00

practically a crime against nature - I mean,

20 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 13:07

it was not particularly nice.

21 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 15:21

DQN's pop on the other hand

22 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 17:39

wore only the finest death metal tour shirts.

23 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 20:17

Mom didn't know what death metal was, but

24 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 20:51

she lovingly draped his exquisitely tailored flannel shirt over his shoulders and said,

25 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 21:08

"this is for the Albanians" as she stabbed him in the back with

26 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 21:32

a wall of spices and incense.

27 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 22:21

Pop inhaled the heady mix and smiled.
"The Albanians are going to LOVE THIS!"

Mom smiled to herself, for

28 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7404 04:06

or five.

29 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7404 12:10

Sick Sven ate. Nein tin.

30 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7404 22:12

DQN let out a huge sugar burp.

31 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 00:00

( ˃ ƒŽ˂) And then exploded sugar and mitons everywhere!

32 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 03:29

All the shirts were covered in a sugary goop.

33 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 20:39

Pop, surveying the ruined shirts, glared at DQN and said,

34 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 21:54

"You're the purest beauty on Earth. I know that might sound cheesy, but it's true."

35 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 22:01

"Nonetheless, I'm kicking you out. Pack your bags and make for the hills, boy."

36 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 22:03

Fairly nice smooth jazz began to play.

37 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 23:25

Which is strange since smooth jazz in general is the devil's jazz.

DQN packed his nicest shirts and hit the road.

38 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7406 09:28

"What are the haps my friends?" he roared

39 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7406 09:39

this very afternoon.

40 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7407 23:34

The roar tore the skies asunder, causing a Great Sky Garment to fall to the Earth.

41 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7408 00:31

It was Greatly Nice.

42 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7408 01:30

It landed in a forest and was eaten by a pack of deer.

As he walked along, DQN spilled Travel Tea on his shirt.

43 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7408 02:21

Rage swiftly grew within his heart at this latest humiliation.

44 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7408 11:34

All the mushroom men

45 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7409 19:21

Where do they all come from?

46 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7409 23:05

All the mushroom men

47 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 00:13

Why are they all so glum?

48 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 02:04

All the mushroom men

49 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 02:53

Were suddenly sucked into a vortex of death from which there is no escape. They have no mittens. They don't even have shirts.

50 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 03:14

The mushroom men are, incidentally, women.

51 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 14:43

Fairly nice women

52 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7410 14:56

with fairly nice mushrooms, which may or may not be a double entendre.

53 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7411 18:01

(It is.)

54 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7411 19:17

Although it is a fairly nice double entendre.

55 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7411 20:04

It wasn't enough to save them or their mushrooms.

56 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7411 20:16

Down, down down they fell into that ravening Vortex of destruction.
PP‚uPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@This isn't one of your better stories, Grandpa.
@QQQQ@@@@@@@@@@@@ ÈÈ@ÈÈ @
/@@/ @@| |@@^@@@@@@@@(EÍE )(LƒÖ`) Shhh! It gets better!
l “ñ | @@ | |@@@@@@@@@^ PP’UPP^|
_QR_Q||@@_@@@@.^QQQQQ^^
@|;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;|@@@@@@@ |l„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ]l|'

57 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7414 01:57

Meanwhile, in the galactic core,

58 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7414 03:04

Dr. Trousers was plotting to destroy all shirts once and for all.

59 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7414 05:06

However, his evil twin, Professor Poopypants, was

60 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7414 05:43

shitting up the lab.

61 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7414 09:00

"Oh god," he moaned to himself in ghastly horror at his own uncontrollable bowels. "Oh god oh god oh god," the shit just kept coming in waves, pounds of poop, acres of excrement, the stench overwhelming and nauseating, his face in frozen horror, voice steadily growing louder and more stressed, "oh god, oh shit oh no no no no NO NO NO," his pants had long since been incinerated by the steaming mountain of doodoo shooting out of his rear, and the lab equipment was engulfed in a shitstorm, the Professor flailed in vain to escape but soon he too was drowning in that soupy, hideous puce mixture of processed food and bacteria, sinking beneath his own waste. It was rising to the ceiling now. The shit hit the fan.

62 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7415 00:02

The fan kicked in, and in mere seconds, the room was sparking clean again.

63 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7415 01:23

"Ah, that feels much better," said Professor Cleanpants.

64 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7415 03:37

Unfortunately, Professor Cleanpants was still more like Professor Nopants since his pants had been incinerated by steaming doodoo.

65 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7415 05:19

He didn't even notice until he'd wandered into the Evil Overlord's Lounge and was looking through the vending machines for something tasty. Commodore Short Shorts glanced up from his paper and exclaimed,

66 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7416 14:36

"Nice shirt!"

67 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 17:29

Professor Nopants glanced down and said,

68 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 17:51

"Haha! Penis!"

69 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 20:28

But realized it was a vagina.

70 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 20:55

Upon closer examination, it actually turned out to be an Arby's beef & cheddar sandwich.

71 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7435 21:08

Everyone dined voraciously.

72 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7436 15:29

And then got wicked food poisoning for making the mistake of eating Arby's food and they threw up until they could only dry heave.

73 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7437 09:13

"Mommy"

74 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7437 13:19

said Dr. Robotnik, quivering before his moustachioed matriarch.

75 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7437 19:02

"Suck my PINGAS" says Robotnik

76 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7439 21:10

Everyone laughed uproariously at Robotnik's dick joke.

77 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7439 21:44

"Playing to the cheap seats already?" thought the GSL, rolling her eyes heavenward.

78 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7439 23:26

Then she exploded.

79 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7440 01:17

Then she exploded.
PP‚uPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@Yay!
@QQQQ@@@@@@@@@@@@ ÈÈ@ÈÈ @
/@@/ @@| |@@^@@@@@@@@(EÍE )(LƒÖ`) Shhh!
l “ñ | @@ | |@@@@@@@@@^ PP’UPP^|
_QR_Q||@@_@@@@.^QQQQQ^^
@|;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;|@@@@@@@ |l„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ]l|'

80 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7440 12:25

And then the TV exploded.

81 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7440 12:54

After a second or two, >>80 exploded.

82 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7440 15:33

"Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!" - wailed a flock of rebels.

83 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 15:17

They pushed the button on their vests, but nothing happened.

84 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 16:28

Some cows in Scotland coincidentally exploded as the buttons were repeatedly pressed.

85 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 17:04

The cows vests however remained intact, their buttons unpushed.

86 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 17:46

Then, for some unknown reason, Parliament exploded fiercely, showering the countryside with monocles and top hats.

87 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 17:59

Many celebrations were had across the country, and that day would have been declared National No More Parliament Day, had Parliament been around to declare it as such.

88 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 20:26

It was a fairly nice day

89 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7441 20:36

trader.

90 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 00:08

Who invested in a business that produced

91 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 01:20

Anatolian spinach.

92 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 15:35

Fairly nice Anatolian spinach.

93 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 16:00

The spinach, however, carried a terrible curse

94 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 16:36

curable only by its rare counterpart, the Atolian spinach.

95 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 19:36

The Atolian spinach, however, wasn't very nice. In fact

96 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7442 19:56

it was wonderful.

97 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7448 19:02

Right up until it exploded, showering

98 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7448 19:35

after a hard day at work.

99 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7462 16:37

At the same time Anatolian spinach grew tired of his antagonist life, and so he shat himself.

100 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7462 19:28

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice

101 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 15:38

justice was being served.

102 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 15:48

The butler brought it forth on a silver platter, steaming with delicious aroma.

103 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 18:17

But to their dismay, it wasn't Justice..

104 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 18:19

It was a stick of dynamite

105 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 20:55

-shaped five bean burrito.

106 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7463 23:11

With extra sauce.

107 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7464 13:53

"Remember, it's always okay to ask for extra sauce." said

108 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7464 18:37

the CEO of a fortune 500 sauce-making company, who came prepared with seventeen totally non-biased studies he commisioned showing that extra-sauce is not only okay, but also cures

109 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7464 18:54

Moroccan Sims 3.

110 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7464 19:36

"In addition, it makes for a splendid floor wax!" bubbled the CEO's wife, who, coincidentally, was

111 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7464 21:46

waxing the floor with the regular sauce, rather than the extra sauce.

112 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7465 13:52

ZOG

113 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7465 14:14

had lost his eye again.

114 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7465 21:23

"That's the third time this happens!" ZOG cried bitterly.

115 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7466 00:52

The CEO's wife was a CEO of a multinational floor wax corporation.

116 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7466 04:17

And ZOG, short for Zogfry Westleburger Frumpypants, was their pet dog, who could talk and still had thirteen eyes to spare.

117 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7467 17:29

Like everyone else, ZOG wore a fairly nice shirt.

118 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7468 23:05

Courtesy of a multinational nice shirt corporation.

119 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7499 18:33

Zrogfy Wrestlebugger Fumpyprants pranced about excitedly, sniffing

120 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7499 19:06

cocaine

121 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7500 13:40

that was of poor quality and laced with deadly toxins.

122 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7500 15:39

ZOG sickened, and eventually perished, leaving behind a legacy of blood and darkness. On his death bed, Zrogfy, or as I like to call it, Zoggy, expressed the following

123 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7500 22:49

poem.

124 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7500 23:10

Roses are red

125 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7501 00:49

ZOG is dead

126 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7501 01:08

And Michael Medved is eating his bread

127 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7501 06:36

don't trouble your head

128 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7501 16:44

As you lay down to bed,

129 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7501 19:56

And remember the words that Clonepa said:

130 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7501 22:01

Agga agga agga agga

131 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7502 05:01

Oggy oggy oggy oggy,
Oi oi oi!

132 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7502 11:38

Ting tang walla walla bing bang,

133 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7502 21:09

And with that recitation completed, Zorgfy Wrasslebugg Fumpyprantser lay down his shaggy head and

134 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7502 21:32

died.

135 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7502 21:46

It was a fairly nice death.

136 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7502 23:08

A funeral was prepared for him, which was a fairly nice funeral, as such things go.

137 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7503 01:19

Anata no kimochi

138 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7504 16:49

-- said no one important.

139 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7504 17:13

the old woman cried for Zorgfy

140 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7504 17:29

but then, she cried over just about anything.

141 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7506 01:10

"Ha ha ha ha what a crybaby!" said someone in the Teacher's Lounge.

142 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7506 02:39

Herodotus a shit!

143 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7506 16:58

said an ill-looking hobo who had managed to sneak in.

144 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7506 22:13

The hobo wore a fairly nice shirt.

145 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7507 00:13

It was stolen, of course.

146 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7507 14:19

Out of the blue, the coffin open. It had nothing in it but a single, well-pressed shirt.

147 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7511 16:46

Everyone gasped, as it wasn't just a fairly nice shirt. It was a particularly nice shirt.

148 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7511 21:57

How would you describe the shirt's color? Seafoam? Yeah, seafoam.

149 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7536 19:18

Before anyone could properly admire the seafoam shirt, the hobo lunged forward and

150 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7536 22:35

uttered some more derogatory phrases about Herodotus in broken English.

151 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 01:14

"hob"

152 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 02:24

"BUZZUTH", uttered the Captcha Fairy with some annoyance.

153 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 12:10

Everyone hated the Captcha Fairy.

154 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7557 19:40

Especially the Captcha Fairy's horrible taste in shirts.

155 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7558 01:01

The hobo continued to mutter about Herodotus while trying to eat the Captcha Fairy.

156 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7558 04:28

The poor hobo was about to find out that the now-irate Captcha Fairy was both bawthable and armed with

157 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7558 17:23

a pair of exquisite Italian steel-toed boots.

158 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7558 21:16

Unfortunately for the fairy, being armed with boots is not exactly the smartest idea. The hobo began to gnaw on the fairy's bare feet as the heavy boots left the fairy's arms immobile.

159 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7585 18:45

With no other choice, the fairy dropped the exquisite Italian steel-toed boots

160 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7593 12:14

onto his toes. The irony of this was not lost on the hobo, who, upon seeing the boots hit the toes, commented

161 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7593 15:22

that "it takes one to toe one"

162 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7606 17:07

At which point someone smacked the hobo for making such an unbearably horrible pun.

163 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7606 19:35

That someone was J. Arnold Shirt, the inventor of shirts.

164 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7607 11:35

Joanna Shirt's eyes filled with tears as she hit the hobo

165 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7607 13:25

because she lives with the constant pain of the knowledge that not all shirts are particularly nice.

166 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7607 15:37

The universe promptly exploded in a completely unique way to how it did so in DQN Short novel.

167 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7607 22:51

The recoiled from J. Arnold's hit making a sound akin to crepes being overcooked.

168 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7609 01:54

"Fortunately, the crepes aren't overcooked," said J. Arnold. "Because this is a nice story. Well, fairly nice."

169 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7611 15:54

Everybody got to eat crepes that day.

170 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7611 19:13

Well, almost everybody. Creeps did not eat crepes. Because this is a nice story.

171 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7617 11:04

Instead, creeps got butchered in games like League of Legends and Dota. Leading to the influential Creeps Rights Movement.

172 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7617 16:59


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173 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7630 17:50

But it was fairly nice shit, as shit goes.

174 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7630 23:06

Fairly nice shit.

175 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7691 11:31

"Is shit still shit if it is fairly nice?" asked

176 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7691 22:19

Hans Shitzengruber, the town's only

177 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7692 17:45

shirtless German.

178 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7692 21:29

At that point Sun Tzu began work on his masterwork "[Mediocre] Pretty average Shirt [Okay I Guess]"

179 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7839 12:43

Hans resurrected the Shirt Novel with his shirtless powers.
It was a fairly nice resurrection

180 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7839 18:06

but not the nicest I've seen.

181 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7839 19:23

The nicest resurrection happened when Randy McNally came back from

182 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7839 19:59

the scrotium dioxide mines.

183 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7840 18:52

He ran out of the mine entrance screaming excitedly and covered with nut salt, waving an ancient amulet around. He was wearing a fairly nice print shirt with a map of Sheboygan Wisconsin on it.

184 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7841 20:29

Randy had supposedly died 10 months prior, due to "fart problems".

185 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7841 22:50

However, records that far back are questionable at best, due to the universe's inherent instability at the time.

186 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7842 20:57

Legend has it that the Universe's instability was caused, in part, by Randy's fart problems.

187 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7843 00:00

"Does pumpernickel mean farting goblin?" wondered

188 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7874 00:06

Randy's shirt.

189 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7874 00:36

As Randy's shirt pondered the implications of such quandaries, it realized that it was a shirt, a fairly nice shirt, but a shirt nonetheless. Thus began Randy's Shirt's existential crisis. He sought answers, calling out,"

190 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7874 16:39

I need answers". He hadn't a way with words, but instead Randy's shirt presented quality craftmanship, with resistant fabric yet delicate to the touch, and sober finishes on its sleeves. As far as nice shirts go, Randy's was clearly among

191 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7874 16:43

the nicest of the nice.

Randy looked around, wondering who needed answers.

192 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7875 04:35

Meanwhile, the pumpernickel sandwich was

193 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7875 19:28

just sitting there, uneaten. It smelled slightly like goblin farts.

194 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7875 22:51

Jolly Bean

195 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7875 23:22

wished that he had a nice shirt, instead of the off-the-rack lime green number he currently wore. "If only

196 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7877 20:58

I had a nice shirt, instead of this off-the-rack lime green number", he uttered,

197 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7878 06:44

while wishing that he had a nice shirt, instead of the

198 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7878 07:17

off-the-rack lime green number he currently wore.

199 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7878 22:26

What a poor bastard, that Jolly. Anyway, Randy's shit

200 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7878 22:49

in a mitt couldn't commit to the

201 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7881 22:12

SANDOVAL SECTION.

202 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7984 23:45

Meanwhile, Tim Tweel sauntered into a bar, wearing a faded Mr. T. t-shirt and acting like he owned the place.

203 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7992 21:17

CHAPTER 7
Into the Fiery Crucible

Little Fiona moaned sadly, for her shirt wasn't

204 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7992 22:12

bedecked with the image of Mr. T, instead it was

205 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7993 01:32

an off-the-rack lime green number. She hated it so much that

206 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7993 01:38

she put it back on the rack.

207 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7993 01:50

The limes' feelings were very hurt.

208 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8004 09:40

The first of a millio

209 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8014 05:31

a mi
million

210 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8014 07:40

copies of M- M- M- M- Max Headroom on Betamax

211 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8014 19:43

flew off the shelves, as if propelled by a hefty gust of wind.

212 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8014 20:12

Randy McNally strikes again!

213 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8014 21:31

In the shadows, McGraw Hill andHoughton Mifflin were plotting to

214 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8015 00:31

take over the McGraw Hilton and turn it into a

215 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8015 00:47

Boberpalooza

216 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8015 02:10

Bob Hope Lollapalooza-type celebration.

217 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8015 02:11

fart

218 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8015 15:37

CHAPTER 8
Second Servings

It was the best of times, it was the

219 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8015 16:59

best of times as previously stated.

220 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8058 14:01

>>220 Oh no

221 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8059 18:24

cried Wolfe, as he realised the result of his calculation was much, much greater than 220.

Meanwhile, in sausage

222 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8059 18:36

sausage, a sausage was saucy.

"Never

223 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8059 18:56

eat this particular sausage," screamed Wolfe

224 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8059 19:23

as he pointed to the sauciest sausage of the bunch.

225 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8059 20:34

It was a fairly nice sausage.

226 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8059 22:07

"You want that fairly nice sausage all for yourself!" accused Chelsea. Wolfe was stumped, for

227 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8059 22:26

like 20 minutes

228 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8059 22:47

, before finally coming up with a counterargument:

229 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8059 22:59

No I don't.

230 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8059 23:30

I am a foxkin vegan.

231 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8060 19:31

He then shot Chelsea in the forehead, with his

232 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8060 20:18

PENIS

233 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8060 20:19

"Ew you almost got it in my eye. I wouldn't put up with this if you weren't

234 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8060 22:56

a foxkin vegan

235 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8061 01:18

wearing an off the rack lime green affair."

236 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8061 17:08

Archie thought the lime green was terrible.

237 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8061 19:30

He then shot Chelsea in the forehead, with his

238 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8061 23:43

Glock 17.

239 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8063 17:47

It was a fairly nice death.

240 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8063 17:54

Or it would be if Chelsea had actually died. Wolfe was visibly altered "What's going on, I just shot straight in the forehead!"
Chelsea smirked. Wolfe looked at his hand, he wasn't holding a Glock 17, it was a banana. Then Wolfe realized he wasn't wearing any pants.

241 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8063 17:59

It was just as well, as they hadn't been very nice pants.

242 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8063 18:11

Then Chelsea was a banana.

243 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8063 18:24

In fact, Chelsea had always been a banana.

244 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8063 19:10

And now, she was an old, darkened spotty banana that was only fit for making banana bread or attracting fruit flies.

245 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8063 20:09

Then she died.

246 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8063 20:20

"Lol 9mm"

247 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8064 12:04

"penis"

248 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8064 14:14

And then the universe, predictably,

249 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8064 14:47

remained ever present as far as petty lifeforms with minuscule lifespans were able to discern.
~
Chapter 9
The Unbearable Lightness of Bees

Wolfe heard buzzing around him.

250 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8064 17:29

Chapter 10

251 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8064 17:43

Chapter 3

252 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8064 17:59

Part II

253 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8064 18:09

It had been 5 minutes, and the bees were still there.

254 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8067 03:24

The bees did not have shirts on.

255 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8067 19:47

Her hand slides into his left trouser pocket and brings out a hard black shrivelled potato. She regards it and the bees with dumb moist lips. She puts the potato greedily into a pocket, then grabs the bees, cuddling them with supple warmth. The bees smile uneasily. Slowly, note by note, oriental music is played. The bees gaze in the tawny crystal of her eyes, ringed with kohol. The bees' smiles soften.

256 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8069 01:46

eNow,f whispered Wolfe. eAfter 50 years, the sausage is once again within my grasp.f He smiled mockingly at the dusty, discarded banana peel.

257 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8069 11:59

The banana peel formerly known as Chelsea felt very sad. She had been used by someone, by the evil powers of sausagearchy, once again. This time however she was too weary to punch up.

258 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8069 18:34

She had done so previously, but that ended with her being

259 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8069 21:08

crowned Queen of the Bees. She still had the t-shirt socked away somewhere, but she

260 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 02:27

couldn't fit in it anymore. Not since

261 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 09:02

she started binging on the fairly nice combination of doritos and deep fried mountain dew while

262 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 16:18

training fiercely for the International Couch Potatolympics. Meanwhile, the

263 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 16:23

Finistère had been under siege.

264 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 16:32

Without reinforcements, they

265 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 17:00

had no choice but to surrender all the bees.

266 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 17:12

Chapter 2: Two Bees in a Pod

267 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 17:31

There was a pond. The pond was named Pondy McPonderson. Pondy pondered.

268 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 18:42

"Why are there two bees in me?" pondered Pondy the pond.

269 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 22:54

Swimming in the pond, a bee pondered on his own existence. "Am I my own circumstance?", challenged Beeznatch the Bee. To which Bumblebee the Bumblebee, countered "What does it take to bee?". Little did they know, their philosophical ponderings wouldn't last long as Pondy McPonderson was soon to dry up. "What a hassle!", cursed Pondy

270 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8071 02:56

the pond. "I guess I'll have to be a pod now!"

And so Pondy the Pod became Pondy the Pod. She started a podcast.

271 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8071 18:40

A fairly nice podcast.

272 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8071 22:22

Fairly nice like one of those podcasts that'd be recommended to you by your podcast client, which mostly but not quite understands your tastes.

273 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8072 17:36

For instance, you wouldn't trust your podcast client to buy you a shirt.

274 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8073 00:13

Twinbee was a good Famicom game

275 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8073 01:48

, it even came with a free t-shirt.

276 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8073 04:13

"I am Zeghamet Benis" quothe

277 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8073 18:42

Zeghamet Benis, quoting herself.

Anyway, the shirt

278 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8073 19:01

was fairly nice.

279 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8073 20:39

The fairy was nicely shirt.

280 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8073 21:26

Zeghamet Benis was assembling electrical stuff with the purpose of transferring heat to 40 feet squared of gas.

281 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8074 10:55

"The future ghost of Randy McNally will be honoured tonight," she mumbled, to nobody in particular.

282 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8077 21:20

"You are Zeghamet Benis!"

283 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8077 22:06

Our shirt, is an awesome shirt, it is, a standard lime green affair.

284 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8077 23:00

But not a standard off-the-rack lime green affair, mind you. We have standards.

285 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8079 03:12

Fairly nice standards

286 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8079 03:15

Zeghamet Benis was too caught up in the preparations for the honoring of Randy McNally to notice the standard lime green affair before her. Her intense autism would not allow her to tear away her attention from whatever activity she was engaged in. This caused the standard lime green affair

287 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 01:16

to vanish from existance, never to be thought or spoken of again.

288 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 02:54

Or maybe not. I don't actually know.

289 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 03:47

It was

290 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 04:27

not.

291 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 04:58

It was.

292 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 05:08

On opposite day.

293 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 14:28

Celebrated on opposite month.

294 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 18:04

During opposite year.

295 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 18:17

CHAPTER THE NEXT

Nicely,

296 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 18:18

the dumb doggly

297 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 18:26

barked. So nice was the bark that a passerby who was also a princess of three different kingdoms took notice and

298 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 18:52

committed suicide by playing a recording of the barks in a small room at 300dB

299 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8080 23:45

Who else to clean up the mess but Funny Wieners? It was his job to clean up the bodies left after horrific deaths.

As he was cleaning up the remains of the princess, Funny Wieners thought to himself "Why did I

300 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8081 09:30

did I why? Why I did did I? Did I why wide eyed die why? Died wed dyed dead did dire aye?" Wieners Funny. Wieners wieners wieners. Dog doggly dogy dogry dog. Greed consumes us.

301 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8081 16:32

Funny Wieners had lost his mind after years of having to clean up the routing leftovers of the dead.

302 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8081 16:32

"Someone's running out of creativity!"

303 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8081 18:16

said the ever so autistic Zeghamet Benis.

304 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8082 19:50

The shirt was

305 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8082 20:27

fine white silk, with poofy sleeves and ruffles down the front.

306 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8082 20:48

Ruffles potato chips that is. Original flavor.

307 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8082 22:26

They were fairly nice potato chips, but nothing to write home about.

308 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8083 18:08

Dear Mother and Father, I have recently encountered a style of potato chips which I simply must bring to your attention.

309 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8084 18:21

They are referred to as Doritos™. What an incredibly enticing aroma! And such an appetizing taste! I impore you to savor such a fine, crispy delicacy.

310 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8084 20:26

With love,
Zeghamet Benis

311 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8085 05:38

P.S. I heard the news about Aunt Ethel's illness. I hope she is dewing better.

312 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8085 12:22

P.P.S. Heh, I said pee-pee.

313 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8085 16:58

On the way back from the Post office, Zeghamet Benis was stopped by

314 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8085 17:08

a smell. It was

315 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8085 18:42

not a nice smell. Rather,

316 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8085 19:08

it was practically a crime against nature - I mean,

317 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8085 19:09

it was a horse smell for God's sake.

318 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8085 19:12

Benis looked up to see what could have been the cause of this horrid sensation. Much to his surprise, he encountered

319 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8085 19:20

Pancho Muchacho, the world famous Mexican show horse. Pancho was wearing

320 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8085 19:45

a sombrero and Dockers pants. He pulled out a piece of paper with MapQuest directions and flashed it at Benis for a split second and asked, "Where's the soccer fiel', wey?"

321 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8086 19:37

What a Mexican.

322 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8086 20:28

Then Benis died of horseitis, god bless his soul.

323 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8086 21:45

Zeghamet Benis mourned her brother's death in addition to that of Randy McNally. This double grief opened a rift in the fabric of

324 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8087 02:39

that off-the-rack lime green affair

325 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8087 12:23

, or didn't, depending on whether Randy McNally was actually dead or not.

326 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8088 15:29

Randy McNally was dead, however, and now there was a nasty rift that needed a proper sewing. With no needles in sight, Zeghamet Benis decided to end his own life rather than face the consequences of

327 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8088 16:37

being a male. Zeghamet Benis mourned the death of her male counterparts but honored his sacrifice by sewing up the rift with her 4th dimensional sewing kit. Now with 3 levels of grief she stuffed her face with Doritos to dull the pain.

328 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8088 22:59

The next morning, she put on her finest blouse, went to the county courthouse and officially changed her name to Zeghamet Bajina.

329 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8088 23:29

"I am Zeghamet Bajina"

330 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8089 19:11

said an unrelated dog.

331 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8089 19:12

"Also, woof."

332 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8089 22:29

"And Arf!" the dog added, "If it comes down to that."

333 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8090 12:53

Then the dog exploded. It was a fairly nice explosion.

334 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8091 01:50

"Bark," said the explosion.

335 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8091 01:51

Rarely vice. Nearly thrice. Swirly ice. Fairy lice.

336 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8091 18:33

yeah

337 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8091 21:32

uh huh, bitch

338 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8093 17:08

None of it was as nice as Randy's sweater, though.

339 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8093 18:46

He was buried in a teal sweater. 50% cashmere, 50% silk.

340 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8093 19:36

Unless he wasn't, depending on whether he was actually dead or not.

341 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8093 22:29

He wasn't though. Randy's state of being both alive and dead at the same tame tear open a hole in the very fabric of the universe. The whole universe is swallowed in a brisk instant. Time itself starts anew.

A dog barks at the emptiness.

342 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8094 01:44

AND HE WAS SO ANGRY!

343 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8095 15:23

CHAPTER DOG

Arf, arf arf. Arf arf arf arf.

344 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8095 18:11

This arf was sent to dog because dog indicated that dog are willing to receive the latest trending arf, hot arf, and announcement arf.

345 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8095 20:00

COOL FREE ARF

346 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8095 22:02

Later, Randy and Pancho met at the downtown Arf Gallery for coffee.

347 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8095 22:05

BUT THERE WERE NO ARFS.

348 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8096 03:53

Instead, shirts of all kinds had been hung on the walls.

349 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8096 11:20

Some of the shirts were okay.

350 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8096 15:41

A few were even fairly nice shirts.

351 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8097 18:15

Wondermonk Stoeller

352 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8098 01:50

felt out of place as he nervously glanced at his off the rack lime green affair.

353 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8098 18:14

"Search over the internet banking

354 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8098 18:37

to find your greatest loan," screamed a particularly garish shirt with a number of corporate graphics on it.

355 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8098 21:26

"Never stop your

356 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8099 00:29

nightmares from becoming sexual fantasies" said a shirt which

357 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8099 16:03

displayed it timidly on a rather small font. "These shirts are pretty nice", began Andy. "But where are all the cool free arfs?"

358 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8099 18:39

Chinese coco bread con queso

359 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8099 20:02

announced yet another shirt. "How quirky!", sarcastically remarked Al Capone before murdering everyone present with his tommy gun.

360 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8099 21:15

Death

361 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8099 21:18

was on a shirt,

362 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8099 21:51

but

363 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8099 22:06

soon Al Capone turned the gun on himself. Before long,

364 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8100 16:00

but after short,

365 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8100 17:24

medium.

366 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8101 15:41

CHAPATER TEHREE
DONUTS AND SPORKS WHHY ARE?

It was random but

367 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8103 00:00

le fettuccine ebini

368 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8111 00:34

Was a new tasty meal being invented by Dr. Robotnik and his new Meme Team.

369 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8111 02:07

The Mean Meme Machine

370 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8112 17:53

Lacked support for scumbag hats

371 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8112 18:25

and the Golden Baby

372 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8113 06:06

Curl up into a ball

373 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8113 16:24

and asked for help.

374 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8113 21:29

What help did they need? Well, you see

375 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8113 22:25

they were having trouble choosing the right shirt. On one hand,

376 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8113 23:30

there was this lime green shirt

377 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8115 05:09

and on the other hand, it was owned by Rowboat Girlyman (infamous shirt hoarder).

378 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8115 21:11

The other shirt was stained with

379 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8116 04:07

steak sauce and marmalade.

380 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8117 20:34

So, clearly, this was a job for S.A.N.T.A., a rogue band of elves dedicated to stealing shit for their own profit and selling it on the black market.

381 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8122 05:47

Three beans

382 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8122 18:03

eat your greens

383 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8128 05:43

Was a saying the elves often used when having dinner.

384 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8128 19:37

My mystical power is that of turning wine into water.

385 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8128 20:08

said Bryan Flobbly, the hero we deserve. Bryan was

386 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8128 20:12

wearing a faded Batman logo t-shirt.

387 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8134 06:55

But what the people didn't know about, was his secret Superman shirt he wore underneath it.

388 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8134 07:03

It was a very nice secret Superman shirt.

389 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8134 17:44

Bryan was confident on his mystical proweseness. He announced to an audience "Prepare to be amazed as I turn all the water in this container into wine!" Byran began the rite. After 5 minutes of chanting on an unintelligible language and hideous body contortions, it was done. People rushed to taste the transmogrified miracle, but to their surprise, it wasn't wine they tasted but

390 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8134 18:03

an off-the-rack lime green affair.

391 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8153 00:32

Bryan Flobbly, the hero we deserve, was frozen in

392 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8153 00:47

water. "We better get him out berry berry fast! Hop mommy!" Said the Indian. Will you ever

393 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8154 13:14

see him again? No, because he drowned before they got to him. Fortunately, his blood made the water taste like

394 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8154 13:38

chicken teriyaki and

395 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8154 21:11

his bones added a hint of

396 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8154 21:47

lime

397 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 05:43

green jello to the

398 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 09:38

max.

399 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 12:17

Max was pleased.

400 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 15:04

green lime jello, yea boyeeeeeee

401 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 15:48

said Max, as it was his second favourite

402 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 19:56

shirt color.

403 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 20:16

Off-the-rack green lime jello

404 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8180 05:08

CHAPTER 23
Shirts Go To War!

Ethel the Aardvark was hopping down

405 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8191 09:32

the road to go to the store. They were having a sale on

406 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8191 15:32

lime green jello affairs, 2 for 1!

407 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8192 18:33

he was looking for a kiwi

408 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8192 19:29

on the moon.

409 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8192 21:45

"That'd be a pleasant design for a shirt", though Ethel the Aardvark.
Ethel was about to enter the store when a stray bullet pierced its skull, staining the store entrance with a collection of gray matter and blood.

The war of the shirts, begun has.

410 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8192 23:10

The mothers of strangers wept.

411 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8192 23:12

The mothers of strangers wept.

412 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8193 21:20

The mothers of strangers continued weeping, much like an infected wound on a summer's day.

413 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8193 22:05

The stranger mothers wept also, but more strangely.

414 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8193 22:44

Anime was gone.

415 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8194 00:07

"Finally."

416 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8194 12:01

The Lime King Maximus saw the dark future his kingdom would suffer, and, with a pre-emptive sigh of desperation, uttered the phrase that he knew would save his people and restore confidence in the Lime lineage.
This utterance would call upon the ancient debt the Lime Green Armies had earned, all those years ago. The war, now only documented in priceless, fragile tomes, saw the noble Armies aid the Fish People in brutal and bloody combat against an unspeakably hideous foe.
King Fin the Thirteenth, humbled and grateful for the aid the Green Armies had so selflessly brought, gifted upon the Lime King Geoff a single promise. "I am personally indebted," said King Fin, "and should your kingdom see grave danger, you must only call upon your new fin allies."
This debt, secretly passed down hundreds of years Lime heritage and only to be used as a last resort, was finally to be repaid.

"Finally," spoke the King. "I hope I pronounced that right."

417 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8194 18:17

The terror of Zanzibar

418 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8194 21:05

was an overbearing, shabby drunk wearing a ratty hawaiian shirt.

419 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8194 22:47

The terror of marzipan, on the other hand,

420 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8194 23:19

is a worm wearing a dress.

421 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8195 00:44

A fairly nice dress.

422 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8195 05:14

LIME GREEN

423 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8195 07:38

COCK

424 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8195 15:21

"I am fine, Aly, how are you?"

425 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8196 13:13

CHARTREUSE

426 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8196 17:28

CABOOSE

427 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8197 15:23

CHAPTER 24
THE LOST CHAPTER

428 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8197 15:35

One day, Mario woke up and decided to take a shit.

429 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8197 17:51

CHAPTER 23 AGAIN

430 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8197 18:35

It all started 15 chapters ago.

431 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8197 20:00

CHAPTER 8

432 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8197 22:10

"Let's get this back on track." muttered the conductor, who was wearing

433 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8197 22:22

a fairly nice

434 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8198 01:45

red flannel shirt with

435 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8199 17:19

fairly nice

436 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8199 19:41

lime green trim.

437 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8199 23:11

The conductor himself was

438 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8199 23:21

lime green

439 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8200 00:19

with rage.

440 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8200 18:18

Fairly nice rage.

441 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8201 00:04

"How are you on this fair day?" said the rage to the assistant conductor as he stepped into the conductor's cabin on that fated day.

442 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8201 12:08

"I'm fucking

443 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8201 12:10

nice," replied the assistant conductor.

444 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8201 12:51

"Thanks for fucking

445 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8201 18:04

ittekimasu"

446 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8202 20:38

"CHARTREUSE CABOOSE SUCK MY DICK

447 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8203 04:39

I'M A LEAN MOTHERFUCKER AND BITCH YOU AIN'T SLICK"

448 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8203 15:44

"But who is Slick?"

449 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8259 09:24

Said an innocent bystander with

450 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8259 12:49

AIDS

451 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8260 02:38

written crudely on his t-shirt with a Sharpie. It was not

452 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8260 03:39

nice at all.

453 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8264 16:26

His name was Kevin, and he was

454 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8264 16:33

widely regarded as being the most annoying person in

455 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8264 18:37

Portlandia!

"Put a bird on it Put a bird on it"

456 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8300 16:17

Yet there was one thing everyone thought was fairly nice about him:

457 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8300 16:42

His PONOS.

458 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8300 16:43

his crooked Jew harp.

459 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8301 11:35

always fell out of his pocket
he never ceased to do anything about it though

460 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8309 15:28

This was because he had a well guarded secret: his harp was actually

461 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8309 16:07

Patrick Duffy in a harp suit.

462 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8309 20:24

Anyway, the point is

463 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8310 05:54

ya gotta catch em all

464 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8310 07:20

over my face.

465 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8310 17:01

Meanwhile,

466 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8310 22:20

the shorts were on the shirts

467 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8339 02:59

, and the limes were in the bowl.

468 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8339 22:01

The eggs were beaten softly into the flour/pumice mixture, and the butter onions were preheated

469 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8340 20:02

before frying.

470 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8340 21:40

It was fairly hot.

471 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8343 06:49

when compared to the following countries

472 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8343 07:53

Norway,

473 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8343 09:34

Zimbabwe, Paraguay, and

474 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 01:24

the end

475 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 02:46

EPILOGUE

476 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 06:33

On the first day God created

477 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 11:09

your mom

478 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 14:56

, the most beautiful woman, also known as "Eve"

479 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 16:22

, as in "Eve of Destruction." With tears of bubbling pitch streaming from her uncountable eyes, she looked over the new Earth, spread her wings of shadow and flame to the heavens and

480 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 17:12

saw a shirt.

481 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 17:48

The shirt was

482 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 18:01

torn to pieces by a mass of gibbering petty demons.

483 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 19:13

Eve smiled with one of her seven mouths, for

484 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 19:47

the cutest little bunny was

485 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8353 20:07

wearing an off-the-rack lime green affair.

486 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8355 01:38

"I will spare the Earth," she boomed in multiple voices, "long enough for you, little bunny, to learn some basic fashion."

"FAREWELL" She screamed as she exploded. The bunny looked up and

487 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8355 02:03

smoked weed everyday.
420 blaze it

488 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8355 13:20

#Bernie

489 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8355 16:27

insisted in an annoyingly nasal voice that everyone pronounce his name as "HASHtag Bernie!"

490 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8355 17:04

#Bernie was wearing

491 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8355 17:52

a weed weave shirts

492 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8355 17:53

and an ill-fitting suit made of

493 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8355 22:57

capitalism.

494 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8380 21:05

And then

495 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8380 21:26

the universe

496 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8380 21:41

started playing on the History Channel.

497 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8381 00:34

During a commercial break

498 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8478 01:19

Are you still wearing that off-the-rack lime green affair?
PP‚uPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@No!
@QQQQ@@@@@@@@@@@@ ÈÈ@ÈÈ @
/@@/ @@| |@@^@@@@@@@@(EÍE )(LƒÖ`) Don't lie, Timmy.
l “ñ | @@ | |@@@@@@@@@^ PP’UPP^|
_QR_Q||@@_@@@@.^QQQQQ^^
@|;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;|@@@@@@@ |l„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ]l|'

499 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8478 21:24

the viewer changed the channel to

500 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8479 03:53

watch a show about making shirts where the people who make the shirts talk directly to the camera about how they feel while making the shirts they make.

501 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8479 12:54

The shirtmakers felt

502 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8479 13:59

happy, then sad, then worried, and then really happy when they delivered the shirt. It was

503 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8479 22:28

happy, then sad, then worrisome, then really happy.

504 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8480 01:41

In the middle of the show, the owner of the shirt shop tried to buy an okay shirt off of some random bozo so he could make it fairly nice and flip it for a small profit, but they couldn't come to a fairly nice deal and had to let the shirt go.

505 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8480 02:26

The bozo was fuming.

506 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8480 03:58

He'd even worn his best bright red honking nose for the episode and

507 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8482 15:33

developed a rash from wearing the red nose. In order to cure

508 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8482 17:19

it he hoped to brown nose the producers but

509 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8482 17:47

the producers wore fairly brown shirts on their noses already

510 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8492 19:41

CHAPTER 17.235

The local Illuminati chapter leader put his shirt back on. It was a

511 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8492 20:30

[REDACTED] shirt with [REDACTED] patterns and beautiful [REDACTED] on its sleeves and neck.

512 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8492 20:36

The [REDACTED] in particular was very nice.

513 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8492 21:36

Umami

514 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8492 21:53

was being eaten by the who had been putting his shirt back on while

515 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8492 22:35

crying out, "Henry, oh, Henry. Give it to me straight Henry. Tell me how it is. I don't wanna know but you know I gotta know. Henry. You know I know. But I need you to tell me, Henry. Oh, Henry! Tell me what's really ugly. Henry? Oh...Henry...you said it...I knew it, Henry. I knew it! You didn't even have to tell me. Henry! Oh! What's really ugly? Henry..."

516 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8506 13:49

This shirt is fairly nice, said Henry.

517 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8506 19:19

The shirt had a photo of a frozen microwaveable meal on it with the words "TV DINNERS" in bombastic lettering.

518 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8507 18:08

Henry put the shirt in the microwave and set the timer.

519 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8508 12:32

The fairly nice shirt had a fairly nice explosion in the microwave.

520 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8536 07:25

Larry King's asshole

521 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8536 18:58

s

522 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8536 19:23

diffused through

523 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8536 19:24

mell was not fairly nice at all. In fact,

524 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8536 21:54

Mell hated the fact that Larry King's assholes were anywhere near him, let alone diffusing through his body. He broke out into a fervor, shouting the most obscure profanity at the top of his lungs.

525 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8537 01:17

It was a fairly nice profanity.

526 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8552 21:32

Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha!!

Martha, calm the fuck down and get yer panties in the butter basket!

527 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8557 17:12

Martha didn't approve of that however.

528 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8559 10:49

The butter basket remained sorely pantiless.

529 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8559 21:22

It was, however, stuffed with shirts.

530 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8560 00:38

One of the shirts read

531 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8560 03:21

1000 books.

532 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8561 12:42

It was rather heavy, having 1000 books to its name, but

533 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8605 02:56

STRAIGHT WHITE CHRISTIAN MALE: THE MAJORITY F***IN RULES

534 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8606 13:49

the majority is always wrong

535 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8607 14:14

as is the minority. In fact, there is only one who is right

536 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8607 17:26

You have to go back.

537 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8607 17:44

So, in a desperate attempt to bring the thread back on topic, he took the shirt back to the store and returned it.

538 This post sucked.

539 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8626 06:02

"I NEED THE OLD WORLD MONKEYS ISSUE OF ZOOBOOKS!"

540 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8626 20:00

"AND I NEED IT ON A SHIRT! A FAIRLY NICE SHIRT IF POSSIBLE!" he bellowed.

541 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8627 00:27

it was fairly nice bellowing

542 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8627 03:06

and the girl behind the counter at Fairly Nice Custom-Printed Shirts smiled and began tapping away at her register's touch screen. Within seconds,

543 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8627 10:11

(fairly nice seconds)

544 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8628 20:25

launch to Uranus

545 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8844 14:13

was the wrong shirt. Angrily, he bumped the thread.

546 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8844 14:13

It was a fairly nice bump.

547 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8844 15:14

PART 2: I CAN'T RECALL THE PLOT ANY LONGER

548 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8845 00:07

"There is no plot." Said the Great Sky Shirta.

549 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8845 01:24

Ironically, the entire plot of DQN Shirt Novel was written on the Great Sky Shirta's shirt, but he never thought to look down.

550 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8845 18:39

Meanwhile, SpongeBob

551 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8845 18:57

walked

552 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8846 00:47

without rhythm

553 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8846 14:12

INTO THE ABYSS

554 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8847 19:34

Nearby, a Worm woke up, listened for a bit, then went back to sleep. It was wearing a fairly nice nightshirt.

555 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8850 13:42

SUDDENLY,

556 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8850 15:01

Seymour grabbed his rifle and peeked out the bedroom window at

557 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8850 16:54

a shirt

558 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8850 23:22

that survived the Triangle Shirtwaste Fire.

559 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8851 17:59

It was a fairly warm fire.

560 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8928 16:09

He aimed his rifle at the shirt and said,

561 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8928 21:41

"Fire!"

562 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8929 01:41

The shirt promptly burst into flames.

563 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8929 16:38

And so did the rest of the world. Everyone died except

564 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8929 17:27

Randy McNally, Cartographer of Love. He was saved by

565 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8930 14:39

The fact that he was actually already dead. For, you see, he couldn't have died if he was already dead. Therefore, how could he have died, having already been dead?

566 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8930 17:23

Randy's flatulent corpse ended up ambling around for a couple of weeks, figuring out whether to be dead or not.
PP‚uPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@So is he dead or not?
@QQQQ@@@@@@@@@@@@ ÈÈ@ÈÈ @
/@@/ @@| |@@^@@@@@@@@(EÍE )(LƒÖ`) I've read the manga, but I'm not spoiling it for you!
l “ñ | @@ | |@@@@@@@@@^ PP’UPP^|
_QR_Q||@@_@@@@.^QQQQQ^^
@|;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;|@@@@@@@ |l„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ]l|'

567 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8944 03:39

CHAPTER 18

"Juu hachi desu," said the young actress, just before the actor peeled her shirt off and tossed to the floor in a cavalier fashion.

568 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8945 17:53

She looked at him, cavalierly tossed to the floor, and wondered what the fuck he

569 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8946 02:27

had for breakfast considering the unique stench of his flatulence.

570 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8946 02:55

She retrieved her shirt and put it back on. It was a fairly nice shirt.

571 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8946 03:42

"Hey! I just took that off, you bitch!" The actor was upset, and he peeled the shirt off again.

572 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8946 03:58

Then he slammed angrily to the floor.

573 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8946 05:51

The actress stared at him, now angrily slammed upon the movie set's ground

574 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8947 03:10

beef jubilee, and again put her shirt back on.

575 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8947 04:28

It was still fairly nice.

576 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8947 04:33

The shirt was fairly nice, with a v neck. The shirt was wearing a shirt. It was a fairly nice shirt. The shirt's shirt was wearing >>1. >>1 was fairly nice. The shirt was a fairy, nice! And then the shirt exploded. ( ˃ ƒŽ˂) Showering fairy dust everywhere!

Then an angry DQN tied the ends of the threads of the shirt to needles and disassembled it as it knitted a pair of mittens out of it. But it wasn't just any pair of knitted mittens, it was a mitten for shirts.

Fairly nice shirts.

The mittens were somewhat nice.

"These will never do!" grumbled the angry DQN. He opened the window to his basement apartment and shouted out "THEY'RE NOT NICE ENOUGH!!!"

DQN's mom knocked on his door and told him to be quiet. DQN's mom was wearing a shirt. The shirt was wearing >>1. A fairly nice >>1.

>>1 was wearing a shirt wearing a fairy wearing a shirt wearing shirt wearing DQN wearing a fairly nice fairy wearing mittens (somewhat nice) threaded from shirts worn by DQN's mom and pop.

DQN's mom was not nice. DQN's mom's shirt was practically a crime against nature - I mean, it was not particularly nice.

DQN's pop on the other hand wore only the finest death metal tour shirts. Mom didn't know what death metal was, but she lovingly draped his exquisitely tailored flannel shirt over his shoulders and said, "this is for the Albanians" as she stabbed him in the back with a wall of spices and incense.

Pop inhaled the heady mix and smiled. "The Albanians are going to LOVE THIS!"

Mom smiled to herself, for or five. Sick Sven ate. Nein tin. DQN let out a huge sugar burp.

( ˃ ƒŽ˂) And then exploded sugar and mitons everywhere!

All the shirts were covered in a sugary goop. Pop, surveying the ruined shirts, glared at DQN and said, "You're the purest beauty on Earth. I know that might sound cheesy, but it's true. Nonetheless, I'm kicking you out. Pack your bags and make for the hills, boy."

Fairly nice smooth jazz began to play. Which is strange since smooth jazz in general is the devil's jazz. DQN packed his nicest shirts and hit the road.

"What are the haps my friends?" he roared this very afternoon. The roar tore the skies asunder, causing a Great Sky Garment to fall to the Earth. It was Greatly Nice. It landed in a forest and was eaten by a pack of deer.

As he walked along, DQN spilled Travel Tea on his shirt. Rage swiftly grew within his heart at this latest humiliation.

All the mushroom men, where do they all come from? All the mushroom men, why are they all so glum?

All the mushroom men were suddenly sucked into a vortex of death from which there is no escape. They have no mittens. They don't even have shirts.

The mushroom men are, incidentally, women. Fairly nice women with fairly nice mushrooms, which may or may not be a double entendre. (It is.) Although it is a fairly nice double entendre.

It wasn't enough to save them or their mushrooms.

577 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8947 18:34

The catch-up episode was fairly nice, by virtue of its contents, but was not fairly nicely typeset.

578 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8947 20:15

The angry DQN put on his shirt, an off-the-rack lime green affair, and waved distractedly to his mom as he left the house.

579 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8947 20:22

It was a fairly nice house.

580 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8947 22:07

Adding a review on foursquare for a fucking McDonald's while visiting France must be the lamest thing to do ever.

581 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8947 22:08

" said some dumb stupid idiot who fucked up. It wasn't even the nice kind of fucking up.

582 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8947 22:46

Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, a group of DQNs were admiring a really nice fuck up.

583 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8948 01:37

"Oh yeahhhh," said the boss DQN of the group of DQNs. "Oh yeah, that fuck up's really nice! So cool!"

The group of DQNs snapped their fingers and nodded like cool men. "Yeahhhhh! Oh yeah! So cool!"

584 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8949 15:23

A cottage industry was born out of discussing and rating fuck ups. Fuck-up-Connoisseurs would write lengthy reviews and rank fuck ups ranging from "not nice at all" all the way to "fairly nice". These fuck up curators were well regarded among the fuck-up-loving DQNs, but

585 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8949 18:54

none of this was of interest to the Great Sky Shirta, who was busy with

586 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8949 19:09

>>584
I blame the AVGN for inspiring people to rate fuck ups.

587 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8949 19:41

", interrupted the dumb stupid idiot again.

588 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8949 22:20

"Busy times indeed", thought Great Sky Shirta, as the divine being poured gasoline all over the VIP LOUNGE. "This will take care of everything", he picked a matchbox from his pocket and

589 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8949 22:39

put it back. "I'm saving my last match for a particularly bad fart", he said as he produced a flamethrower from under his very nice shirt. "This ought to do it",

590 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8950 06:10

The boss DQN looked up and saw the flamethrower, which was so so close to becoming used. "Oh, NO!" he yelled. "Oh, no no NO!!"

591 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8950 10:10

"The flamethrower is close to becoming used! At me!"

592 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8950 14:28

"At any minute!" he cried. "Any second, it will begin to be used! Right at me! It's gonna happen! It's going to be used at me!! Oh no no NOOOOOO!!"

593 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8950 14:54

Knowing that the flamethrower would need to be used imminently, the Great Sky Shirta handed it to Punctual Gomez, whom he had hired for this very occasion. Which was going to arrive very soon. In the near future. Of course, Punctual Gomez was there, right on time, at 2:54 in the afternoon, on the 8950th of September 1993.

"What's so cool about being punctual, anyway? Don't you ever get the urge to fuck up occasionally?" the DQN boss asked. Of course, stalling for time against Punctual Gomez was a poor strategy.

594 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8950 18:41

At the precise, predetermined minute and hour of the day previously discussed, the flamethrower became used, and the VIP LOUNGE burst into EXQUISITE flames!!

595 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8950 23:17

The boss DQN looked up and saw the flamethrower, which was in the process of being used. "Oh, NO!" he yelled. "Oh, no no NO!!"

596 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8950 23:21

Then Rex Rockstar showed up fashionably late as always and

597 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8950 23:22

Then Rex Rockstar showed up fashionably late as always and

598 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8950 23:25

both Rex Rockstars looked at each other like, "whoa"

599 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8951 05:57

(editor's note: we have included this fuck up because we think it's really nice.)

600 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8951 13:40

The DQN boss looked from the two Rex Rockstars to the used flamethrower, back and forth in shock. "No! Oh, no no! No no NOOOO!!"

Throughout this confusing moment, the flamethrower was still being used, and very nice flames were burning everybody up.

601 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8952 16:40

A third Rex Rockstar, truer to his stylish yet hopelessly unpunctual nature, arrived at the VIP LOUNGE only to find in its place a miserable cemetery of ash covered in an ominous veil of smog and death.

Propelled by his own incredulity, he ventured forth, his hand covering his nose as to not get a hint of the terrible stench polluting the scene. His gaze caught a hint of something lime green and shiny buried under his feet. He crouched down and discovered it was simply an off-the-rack lime green shirt, nevertheless suspiciously clean.

Endlessly curious, he decided to try it out. Just as he finished putting on the shirt, a voice from nowhere suddenly bursted out:

"I AM GREAT SKY SHIRTA, YOUR GOD. I'VE CLEANSED THE VIP LOUNGE OF ANY AND ALL FUCKUPS THAT MIGHT INTERRUPT THE STORY AND THE DQNS WITHIN HAVE MET THEIR FATE.
THE FUCK UPS ARE EVIL, THEY POISON THE THREAD WITH THE PLAGUE OF FAILURE. SHIRTS ARE GOOD AND ARE REALLY NICE TO LOOK AT. GO FORTH AND GATHER MORE SHIRTS. GREAT SKY SHIRTA HAS SPOKEN".

602 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8952 17:52

"Shut up"

603 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8952 20:24

said a surviving DQN, who quickly realized they had become a fuckup.

604 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8953 03:02

A quick usage of the flamethrower quickly fixed this problem.

605 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8953 14:21

By now the fire was spreading far enough to be considered not nice, and in fact a public concern. GREAT SKY SHIRTA and his accomplices were now wanted for arson.

606 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8953 19:37

Fairly nice arson.

607 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8954 19:44

CHAPTER 19

Arson Jim

608 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8954 20:02

was out of matches.

609 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8955 14:36

So he went to buy some.

610 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8955 14:58

He put on his wide belt and work shirt and headed out to Matchmakers on the Strip.

611 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8955 15:09

But by the time he arrived, he realized he had no money on him.

612 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8955 15:13

If you sign up,
You can earn $1,000,000 too.
http://goo.gl/YLysV3

613 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8955 17:21

So he signed up and earned a $1,000,000 too.

614 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8955 17:31

With his newfound wealth, he hit the club to get a date for the big night. He approached his first target and laid down his smoothest pick-up line, "

615 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8956 00:28

I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT,

616 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8956 08:13

penis

617 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8956 16:38

The girl loved it, because she watched Darkwing Duck as a child and also loved cocks. "You're hitting my buttons just right," she told Arson Jim. "You're really....LIGHTING A FIRE in my heart right now, ufufufu."

618 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8956 18:48

Too concerned was Arson Jim with his Darkwing Duck impressions and mediocre innuendo to notice the smoke quickly accumulating in the club. By the time the alarm sounded, it was too late.

Right on schedule, with not even a single second to spare, Punctual Gomez set ablaze the entire club using the most holiest of flamethrowers. Right on schedule he fulfilled GREAT SKY SHIRTA's command, not out of any devotion but to the absolute reverence he had towards timeliness.

Arson Jim was too desperate to notice the irony of his impending doom. As he tried to escape, swathes of people intercepted him at the entrance, blocking his only means of escape. All hope was gone. For all the effort it took, each new breathe only managed to sustain his time on Earth for just a handful of seconds. Arson Jim collapsed, his lungs filled with smoke. He died of asphyxia.

619 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8956 19:15

The sky fire cremated his body. Arson Jim's body was never recovered by his family.
PP‚uPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@NO!!! He was my favorite!!
@QQQQ@@@@@@@@@@@@ ÈÈ@ÈÈ @
/@@/ @@| |@@^@@@@@@@@(EÍE )(LƒÖ`) Put that match down, Jimmy!
l “ñ | @@ | |@@@@@@@@@^ PP’UPP^|
_QR_Q||@@_@@@@.^QQQQQ^^
@|;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;|@@@@@@@ |l„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ„Ÿ]l|'

620 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8959 17:10

After a moment, the ashes stirred as if by the breeze, though there was no wind.

621 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8961 00:04

The actress looked over the barren, scorched land, sighed, and put her shirt back on.

622 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8961 00:05

CHAPTER 19

623 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8961 03:26

The

624 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8961 14:27

CHAPTER 19

625 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8961 16:56

does not exist

CHAPTER 20

626 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8961 17:27

Ten thousand shirtless bodies

627 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8961 20:51

thirteen thousand bodiless heads

628 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8962 03:01

and shirts, fairly nice shirts, as far as the eye can see!

629 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8963 14:23

"What is this place? Is this some sort of heaven, or the depths of hell?"

630 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8963 14:45

If you sign up,
You can earn $1,000,000 too.
http://goo.gl/YLysV3

631 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8963 18:29

", replied the thirteen thousand bodiless heads, in chorus.

632 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8963 19:57

"I don't earn! I take!"

633 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8972 21:15

"But who am I? Why have I come here?"

"Wait. It's me, Rex. But...which one?"

634 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8975 15:07

Rex looked down at his shirt.

635 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8975 16:01

It was a standard lime green affair.

636 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8975 16:11

He noticed a ketchup spot and despaired.

637 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8995 03:21

In despair, he tore the shirt to pieces

638 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8995 03:54

and stared at his wiry unclothed form in a nearby mirror.

"Who amongst even the demoniacs would sculpt such a foul thing as me! Oh woe, oh blight that is my breath! Cling no further to me and leave me hence!" he cried out.

639 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8995 05:15

and then he tried to tape together his shirt again with scotch tape

640 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8995 08:25

But the friction set him on fire.

641 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9001 05:11

in a panic he tore at the shirts surrounding him, desperately trying to find the XXXL

642 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9004 06:15

He found an oversized hawaiian shirt that seemed to fit the bill. It

643 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9004 06:21

just barely fit him but one or two buttons still flew off.

644 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9004 14:12

It wasn't all that nice a shirt.

645 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9004 16:08

supreme logo

646 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9004 16:37

of a supreme lego

647 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9025 15:41

for a supreme ego.

648 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9025 17:20

Worse yet, it was saturated with the intoxicating smell of a Sausage and Egg Burrito El Supremo and diet coke.

649 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9043 18:41

Driven by his nose, Rex staggered into the street, looking for a Chez Guevara that was still serving breakfast.

650 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9043 18:43

supreme logo

haha, it's funny when you repeat it over and over again, just like every other "joke" on this site

651 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9043 19:19

"You're free to leave if you don't like it here", said a Chez Guavagina who was busy changing to the lunch menu. "It costs you nothing to keep your mouth shut."

652 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9044 01:24

Rex cried. "I didn't mean to be so weak!" he said with cry.

653 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9051 20:22

But who was this Cry person, standing next to a sobbing Rex?

654 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9055 14:25

yup :D

655 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9055 22:30

The Chez Guavagina handed Cry his order, one Sausage and Egg Burrito El Supremo and diet coke.

656 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9055 22:47

Cry scarfed down the breakfast, but didn't pay. Czech Guacamole was not amused.

657 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9068 14:46

"Don't you love me, don't you want to be proud of me, Czech?" Cry mumbled, distraught and a blend of the soggy brunch sitting in pieces on his face.

658 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9070 16:40

Rex mumbled angrily to himself and stomped out of the restaurant, pausing to smash Cry's face into the door jamb several times.

659 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-10070 21:09

Hamburger Chef made his way out of the shadows.

660 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10073 13:00

he takes off his shirt and hes ripped.

661 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10076 17:41

It's a fairly nice shirt.

662 Name: ( ´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10076 18:11

"Put your shirt back on!" saod

663 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10467 16:00

Chez Guavagina sternly, with an expression that said he would never serve any shirtless Chefs in this establishment.

664 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10467 19:29

CHAPTER 21

Meanwhile, on the Eastern front,

665 Name: C!Odemonkey. : 1993-09-10467 23:00

His brother was masturbating

666 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10469 16:15

as a part of a very special mission

667 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10469 16:59

to cause the Führer to

668 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10470 02:42

shoot juice every where

669 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10477 10:41

, including all over his own shirt! With his shirt soiled, he would be left with no choice but to

670 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10477 13:40

concentrate all the Jews into camps and make them wear striped shirts.

671 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10478 03:41

"This is an absolute must watch if you haven't seen it already. Pee in your pants worthy," said the Führer.

672 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10478 13:12

True to his word, he was concurrently peeing in his pants.

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