Dear Squeeks,

Here are some "facts" I've heard about you:

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Squeeks has allowed to live.
Squeeks has counted to infinity. Twice.
The leading causes of death in Australia are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Squeeks 3. Cancer
When you play Monopoly with Squeeks, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
Squeeks did in fact, build Rome in a day.
Squeeks can speak Braille.

Are these true?