Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1335873482/
Prologue: Mr Gray and his Exploding
Fortunately, this was exactly how the Split Pro was supposed to work. The explosion swallowed up my glass for a moment, then receded, revealing a gib-free glass of duck blood. I took a sip.
And then, the Shobon, little more than a sad visitor to this combustive realm, finally
puked up his tuna casserole all over the table.
I could tell from the smell that he'd ordered tuna casserole with extra sauce.
Who in the world orders extra sauce nowadays, you moron?
I want to ask him, "did you REALLY want to eat it with extra sauce?"
I want to interrogate him. I want to interrogate him for roughly an hour.
Are you sure you don't just want to try saying "extra sauce"?
Coming from a Bill's Joint veteran such as myself, the latest trend among us vets is this,
extra peas.
"I AM DISPLEASED" boomed the Negus.
"SOMEONE HAS USED MORE THAN THEIR ALLOTTED PORTION OF SAUCE" the Negus continued to boom.
He was largely ignored by the patrons of Bill's.
But Tom did not dare dwell on that terrible possibility and, for the time being, he resolutely put all thoughts of never seeing his parents again, out of his mind.
Tom Stunkledorf decided to leave Bill's. His departure was hardly noticed.
The poker game raged on. Now, Lied, he checked and Fred bet all. Lied raised and Fred did call. The smiled just melted off his face when Lied turned over that diamond ace.
"This is the second time you beat me with that hand!" Gurfogled Fat Fret.
"Jus' luck." Lied said truthfully.
And then the diamond ace exploded. Everyone
was bummed out that they never saw a Shrek movie before.
Ever since Shrek's cameo appearance in
Papa John'sssssssssssssssssss
award winning rendition of
Pizza Buttz.
The Negus was very displeased.
That's why she paid me to put explosives in the diamond ace. I can't refuse money from a mad dame. But I had other reasons. Number one being
I hadn't talked toot yet with Fangio the fat barman so
penis
feelings led me to do what I did.
Penis
McPenerson, the manager on duty at Bill's, rushed out of the back office when he heard the explosion and immediately proceeded to
explode. But it was too late.
Penis hobbled toward me, looking limp.
"What happened?" I asked.
Penis hung his head. "I came too late." He seemed distraught.
"That's better than coming too early, Penis. That might get you killed in this business," I consoled him, and gave him a hug. That seemed to perk him up a little. "You seem a little stiff, Penis. Maybe you should work out more."
"I should. I can't ever find anyone to work with, though, and I don't like doing it alone.... say... would you...?"
Penis didn't finish his thought, but I knew what he wanted. I paused for a moment and
exploded.
CHAPTER X13V7c
Raging Butt Hats and Idle Lookyloos
The night was sultry.
CHAPTER X13V7d
Raging Butt Hats and Idle Lookyloos 2: Electric Boogaloo
It was a hot sticky morning.
Penis
hadn't had a wink of sleep all night, tossing and turning ensnared by the cloying wet sheets
and the constant din of the raging butt hats outside his house, waving protest signs and participating in new age drum circles at all hours.
As a result he died.
The soul of Penis
also died.
Zardoz was pleased.
Zardoz was also dead.
The ghost of Nietzche prepared to write a treatise on the death of Zardoz.
(Nietzsche died in 1900).
The Negus was displeased.
The Negus was also dead.
The previous sentence had been predicted in advance by prescient wizards.
Dead prescient wizards.
Deep gay anal fucking
is what they'd be talking about if they weren't all dead.
The Short Novel Thread died.
Momma mia.
The author was kind of glad the short novel thread was dying. He had been worried that with his current pace, the trilogy would turn into a sprawling 7-book series of diminishing quality, if it was even possible for it to get any worse. But at the new slow rate of output, he could see the epic was now slowly crawling toward it end. He knew the most important part of a novel is to wow them with the ending. He gritted his teeth, with newfound determination, to write the great conclusion to his magnum opus.
STUNNING CONCLUSION CHAPTER THE LAST, FINAL 3881834 ULTIMATE WARRIOR DENOUEMENT:
The Unending Devotion of Great Sky Deities, their Pet Hogs, and the Götterdämmerung Tea Party
In which our protagonists and antagonists and neutragonists face their fears, the universe explodes a few more times, nothing is resolved and a certain Big Butt forgets to make its final appearance
"Oh, pooh" said Pooh, "I stepped in some
pee."
"Oh, pee," said Pee, "I stepped in some
p--"
"900 GET!" interjected
the Chrono Tigger.
"Nice one!" shouted Goscone from backstage.
Goscone's greatest fear was
that the Short Novel would end without him.
But then, without warning, a giant
axe
fell from the floor upwards because gravity had changed forever.
This was God's evil plan to
disprove the
existence of the GSL.
Unfortunately, God did not exist, so the existence of the GSL was not debunked. Good thing, too; the GSL hates having her existence debunked, almost as much as she hates
tentacles.
Meanwhile, in the back of a
party van
3 guys smoked weed
as if
it would make them spot Ocelli.
Alas, as we all know by now,
the universe was going to explode again and none of this would matter.
The universe edolpxed.
"No, no, no," said the Great Sky Loli. "You're doing it all wrong!"
And then she made the universe explode properly. The universe didn't like this, so it
exploded on her face.
And she was gone forever, never to be brought up in the story. Reoccurring characters that just won't go away no matter how boring and stale they got are one thing the universe couldn't stand.
Just then, Goscone and Smoopy
were caught having scandalous gay BDSM sex by a paparazzi called
Snapshot McCameraDude, the most notorious
camera dude.
Snapshot McCameraDude happened to be a woman, but insisted on the "dude" moniker because
Hey Dude was her favorite show to the point of extreme obsession.
But nobody cared about all that shit, because while all this was going on, an event of even larger proportions and impact was taking place.
Your mother was
fluttering madly around an antiques store, buying chaise lounges and
considerably overweight
Kewpie dolls.
Somebody get the door
dammit. MOM, GET THE DOOR!" Yelled the
GSL
as she rubbed her finger around
sand.
Note: GSL stands for Grandma Sally Longhorn.
Sally hadn't always been a grandma. No, she started off her exciting life as a grandfather. The Grandfather of Modern Banjo Technique.
HARLEM, 1836
"Well I reckon, I do say, well I, Lord almighty, well I, I mean to say, well I'll be darned," swore Thomas McKinney, sheriff of Banjoville, spinning in circles on a rotating bar stool. He was reacting to the tall visage of a stranger who had boldly stepped through the door-frame with a banjo on her back.
"Where ya from, stranger?" Tom asked in a friendly but suspicious voice. "Yer the first banjo player we've had here in years, ever since the great Banjo Riots."
"Oi, what of it, mate? I'll fook up yer jaw, ok? Targ tootin'." said a very confused GMBT
before exploding. In response, Tom
chased Jerry all around the house.
"Phantasy Star Online has new DLC!" exclaimed Tom, after realizing that his mother recently failed her 9th attempt at baking soda
Can.
It wasn't easy to bake soda Can. Tom's mother had done it once, five hundred years ago when her locks were still golden and her elbows were still lithe. But now, in her adolescent decay, puberty as making it even more difficult than ever.
Can Can, Cadillac Can.
But back to the point. The Emperor was getting up off of his golden throne and he was not happy...
Actually, now that I think about it, he was happy. Someone broke his throne and cut his hair. Why this made him happy, no one knows.
Live from New York it's Saturday night was one of the Emperor's favorite times of day since he'd usually buy a barber shop
York was day he'd New a usually Emperor's times night Saturday barber it's from of shop the favorite Live of buy since one