So, what does the recent history of Ukraine teach us?

If you're president of a country on a brink of economic recession and your oldest and closest ally offers you some cash just for keeping a smile – when some protest movement materialises out of nowhere and bears clear resemblance (and involves the same people) to a similar event from a few years ago – you shoot them. You find their financiers and you assassinate them with no regard for their social standing.

You don't need to kill a lot – just a few dozen: the leaders and some of the most stuck-up "social activists". Arrest the rest for background checks and they'll admit that they were misled.

Thus you avoid: losing your power, a costly war, (un)necessary annexations of your territory, an economic crisis, a political turmoil, the deepest embarrassment to your ally who cares.

Remember: you can cry about your national identity all you want – but for the rest of the world you will be just this: a slav.

Tune up next week for an exciting episode of: cheap rouble or why black president Obamer doesn't want you to get property on this beautiful peninsula resort of Crimea. (No, I'm done)