Hello there, one and all! Recently there's been quite a number of threads relating to >>71-sama, for whom I am a spokesperson and of whom I could be considered a friend, appearing on the front page of this board. In this thread we will examine a number of these threads, and determine how accurate each of them is.

1. >>71 is an ugly aggravating unintelligent dirtball
First of all, I must say this is probably the nastiest thread out there about >>71-sama. I would not have dealt with this thread had >>71-sama not asked me to discuss the bad posts as well as the good. That being said, it contains only a very few posts of any truthful content: one being by >>71-sama himself, in an admission that as an irresponsible teenager he used to release the Emergency Mittens in non-emergency situations (which he stopped doing as soon as his father, the great >>142-sama, found out and reprimanded him), another by my twin brother (also named Lord Pentium, a name given to both of us by >>71-sama) reassuring one >>229-san that >>71-sama's mittens were both genuine and of the highest quality, and a few posts by kindhearted citizens of DQN and friends of >>71-sama that were meant to encourage him (such as one by a certain >>14-san, who posted some very kind words about >>71-sama, comparing him to that most gentle and elegant of Asian creatures, the panda). Other than that, this thread is full of lies, mostly propagated by liars who wish to see the reputation of >>71-sama tarnished.

2. >>71 told me he hates mittens
The first thread was overall more insulting to >>71-sama, but this thread contained the single biggest lie I've ever hear anyone tell: that >>71-sama could conceivably NOT like mittens. This lie was so horrible that I myself had to step in to set the record straight. To reiterate: >>71-sama shares the same passionate love for mittens as any other dokyun.

3. >>71 is a GOD AMONG MEN
This thread is, for the most part, as positive about >>71-sama as I could wish, even though it is a bit exaggeratory. Men have often confused great men with gods and prophets (such as in the case of Muhammad, where an honest reformer was and is treated as the chief of all prophets by a major religion), and indeed in some ways the difference is so slight that it barely matters in human experience, but while >>71-sama does have the ability to walk on water (an ability that he hides in all but the most extreme circumstances), I have never, in all my years of close connection with him, seen him calm a stormy sea.

[more in the next post]