>>998 is why Microsoft Mike talks like a lady and Microsoft Mary talks like a man.
>>998 transmits ebola, AIDS and anthrax to the people he comes in contact with.
>>998 is responsible for the Doom Broken Fucking Garbage edition.
When VHS tapes were common, >>998 refused to rewind them before returning them. He also defaced the boxes that the tapes were in.
While he was at it, >>998 purposely stole or destroyed the manuals that went with rental-store video games.
>>998 Stole every Sailor Moon DVD and Blu-Ray disc. He left behind VHS tapes from "The Incredible World of DIC."
>>998 owns a puppy mill that produces chihuahuas. He sells them at a discount price to miserable single women.
>>998 posts in the Clonepa thread without understanding the rich and compelling backstory.
>>998 Worked at the household cleaning chemical factory, and programmed the computer to mix all the bleach with the ammonia.
>>998 Says "It's a TOOMAAAHH" to people in the oncology ward of the hospital.
999 GET
>>998 lied about making Punctual Gomez late to tarnish his reputation
vc: shitchirf
>>998 tampered with people's autocorrect so that "shirt" would say "shit" and "busy" would say "busty".
>>998 is a professional scat pornstar (receiving), but they're fake.
>>998 shat a terrific shit on a nicely bloused, busty non-scat pornstar, and didn't even give two shirts about how busty she was at the time.
>>998 is a busty oppai monster who borrows little girls' shirts and returns them with the chest stretched out.
>>998 convinced Sabrine Maui to get implants in her perfect little Asian tits.
You know what?
I'm tired of this. I'm tired of assholes like >>73 and >>998 manipulating DQN. I'm not going to tell you to write to moot or stop going to Teh Rei's diner or give up fancy hearing cakes or to post less or even to challenge the Elitist Superstructure. I don't know what to do about the beadies, the VIPPERS, the people who dance whenever no one's watching, the shitty thread wasshoiis or the copypastas. What I do know is that I've had enough, you've had enough, we've all had enough of this! It isn't safe on the board anymore, and so we don't POST anymore, we just lurk in the Ctrl+V thread and say "Please, I won't make any trouble, just please let me stay safe inside this thread and don't start a fight with me from across the U-shaped table at Yoshinaya." Well, I'm GOING to start a fight! I want you to get up, right now, and I want you to go to the [Contentless] ITT you post right now [ASAP] your current thought [Brains][Thinking][Personal][#18] thread. I want you to open it, I want you to read the full thread, and then I want you to post, writing:
"I'M MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'M DQN AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA VIP IT ANYMORE! I'M >>897 AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA PUT UP WITH >>98 ANYMORE!"
>>998 is a god damn titty monster.
...you know, I've read that manga, and she's kind of a butthead but I don't think she's really evil. She might even be a fun date.
>>998 made software that detects small or flat boobs, and automatically replaces them with DD or larger boobs.
You should see how pissed off my neighbor is, because he is a huge Card Captor Sakura fan.
>>998 stole my magic wand that was signed by J.K.Rowling and crammed it up my ass.
>>998 replaced all instances of the word "wand" in the Harry Potter books with "wang".
>>998 is a Venus with a penis who likes to get straight young men drunk and let them wake up with a surprise up their butt.
And by that, we mean that >>998 gets off on seeing a mousetrap spring painfully on an unsuspecting victim's penis.
But what >>998 really loves is to see a mousetrap spring painfully on an unsuspecting mouse's neck. He then skins the mouse and wears the uncured skin as a penis sheath, and runs around screaming "Someone help, my dick is a furry!"
>>998 didn't allow me to use The Cocksheath of Pleasure in our tabletop session.
>>998 included magical cocksheaths in the tabletop session he GMed.
>>998 extended FATAL with imaginary bodily functions to make it more complete.
>>998 further extended FATAL with everything he could find from Waita Uziga manga that weren't in the system already.
>>998 builds weapon factories in 2 neighboring countries, then tricks them into going to war with each other.
>>998 lobbied for legislation to ban "high capacity assault holy water" meaning any person could only legally possess 10 gallons or less of holy water at any given time.
>>998 convinced Congress to pass that legislation by manipulating public opinion using the #vampirelivesmatter hashtag.
>>998 created a real life Splatoon league. Every event is hosted inside historic buildings that should never be repainted.
>>998 replaced all of the suppositories with chalk pills infused with habanero
>>998 is rumored to be Beady Eyes and may attempt to derail this thread.
I offer to use all of my considerable ninja skills to protect >>939 in exchange for sex!
I took >>939 to a marksmanship class and helped him get a concealed gun permit.
I took >>939 to Poundland and taught him to protect his anus in prison.
>>998 steals safe to handle pet snakes, and leaves angry cobras and vipers in their place.
Yo, >>939! A hanging grand piano tied up with an old, frayed rope is probably not the best thing to be standing under!
TANASINN DAMN IT, HE WAS TOO YOUNG!
I swear...
I swear on my lifelong hoard of fancy hearing cakes.
I swear on my body pillow.
I swear on the waifus of everyone who took part in this thread.
I swear on the sanctity of the Elitist Superstructure itself that I will find the true butthead and bring them to justice!
If only poor >>939 ...who could have known the train would be running on a different schedule during September due to maintenance? If only he'd just...if only he'd at least been able to tell us! What about >>989 ?? Is he the true butthead? Is he >>998 's next victim? Damn it, >>939 , you stupid brave kid, what the hell were you tryin' to tell us on the tracks that day?
>>998 Owns a skydiving company, and makes sure that when skydivers exit his plane, they land in horrible places. The last guy landed in an aquarium full of sharks.
>>998 showed up at my cactus farm one day with a bunch of goons, offering to sell me skydiver insurance. I told him I wasn't a skydiver and to get off my property. He chuckled and told me that the price would double tomorrow. Three hours later, my pride and joy eThorny Petef was crushed flat.
>>998 spreads fake instructions for making congee in a rice cooker.
>>998 hustled me hardcore and sold me crappy, marked-up disaster and liability insurance for my prize-bred sharks and aquarium, but after he left I looked at the fine print and it wasn't even what he said it was! It was some sort of skydiving insurance for me! I don't even skydive! Then the next day I found my tank full of blood, gore, canvas, and sick sharks!