[Father Beady] Confession Box [SINS] [SPIRITUAL ADVISE] (29)

1 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11568 12:14

( ・-・) time to confess your DQN quality sins and receive the holy penance

2 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11568 14:05

I didn't take my pills today.

3 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11568 14:37

Father Beady, please grant me forgiveness. I put off doing the washing up and then didn't bother showering.

4 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11568 15:48

I masturbated thrice before noon

5 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11569 02:03

I took >>2's pills and force-fed them to >>3

6 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11569 21:49

　　 ,
　 /_Lヽ　>>2 Your soul is doomed to the sixth layer of Hell, sorry there's nothing more I can do for you.
　(.　|　)　>>3 You're going to the third layer of Hell, sorry there's nothing more I can do.
　( ・-・)　>>4 Second layer of Hell. Nothing I can do.
c(,_ｕｕﾉ　>>5 This one actually got you closer to Heaven.

7 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11570 07:24

According to Dante, the sixth layer of hell is where heretics spend eternity entombed in flaming crypts, which implies that the pills >>2 didn't take were anti-heresy pills.

Father Beady, will God forgive me if I order my anti-heresy pills from Canada?

8 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11570 08:28

Please forgive me Father Beady for I have sinned. I put hot sauce on the communion wafers because I thought the congregation would find it too bland.

9 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11570 10:22

　　 ,
　 /_Lヽ　
　(.　|　)　>>7 It's heresy not to order your pills directly from me and take them.
　( ・-・)　>>8 I still can't feel my tongue! Seventh layer of Hell.
c(,_ｕｕﾉ　

10 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11570 12:03

I used to dry-hump a teddy bear in my childhood (before I had even learned to read). My mother had seen it many times but she didn’t seem to mind.

11 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11570 14:44

Priests don't wear mitres, retard

12 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11570 15:00

　　 ,
　 /_Lヽ　>>10 That's fucked. You're fucked. I don't even know what happens to people who commit sins like that.
　(.　|　)　I don't think they'd let you into Hell, the best you could hope for is being cursed to wander the Earth forever like Cain or something.
　( ・-・)　At any rate, it goes without saying that you're never seeing the light of Heaven.
c(,_ｕｕﾉ　>>11 God said I could have one because I'm special.

13 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11570 23:51

(・∀・) Father Beady, I put HIV infected blood in the sacramental wine. What should I do for pennance?

14 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11571 03:00

　　　　　　 　　　　∧＿∧ 　　　　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣＼
　　　　　　　　　 （　´∀｀）　＜　　 　Oh that's nice, they brought everything here.　　|
　　　　　　　　／　　　／　　　　＼　　　 　even the floor made out of lava...　　　　　/
　　　　　　　/ 　　　　 |　 　　　　　＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿／
　　　　　　 / "⌒ヽ　 |.ｲ |
　　　＿＿＿ |　　.ノ | | | |＿＿
　 .　　　 ノく＿＿つ ∪∪　　 ＼
　　＿（（＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_＼
　　￣￣￣ヽつ￣￣￣￣￣￣| |￣￣￣
　 　 　＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_| |
　　　￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| |

15 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11571 03:00

DAMMIT

16 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11571 09:21

　　 ,
　 /_Lヽ　
　(.　|　)　>>13 The whole congregation already caught HIV at the last bible study orgy anyway, it makes no difference.
　( ・-・)　>>14 lol
c(,_ｕｕﾉ　

17 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11571 18:29

Father, you should have scolded that intruder. He just desecrated our credence table.

18 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11571 19:39

　　　　　　　　　 ,
　　　　　　　　 /_Lヽ　
　　　　　　　　(.　|　)　>>17 Don't tell me what to do.
.　　　＿＿＿ ( ・-・) ＿＿＿
　 .　　　 　　c(,_ｕｕﾉ　　　　　＼
　　　＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_＼
　　 ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| |￣
　　　＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿__| |
　　 ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| |

19 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11572 01:03

Father Beady, I raped and murdered two kids and went to a yoga class.

20 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11572 05:07

　　 ,
　 /_Lヽ　
　(.　|　)　As 1 Kings 3:16-28 tells us, >>19, God will cut you in half, send one half to heaven and the other to hell.
　( ・-・)　Yoga practitioners are condemned to the eighth layer.
c(,_ｕｕﾉ　

21 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11572 19:47

I tried to sell my soul at the crossroads for guitar picking skills but the devil's rates were to high.

22 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11573 13:14

　　 ,
　 /_Lヽ　
　(.　|　)　Yeah, inflation you know, one soul just doesn't go as far as it used to.
　( ・-・)　For supernatural musical talent you're looking at two or three souls these days.
c(,_ｕｕﾉ　

23 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11573 17:35

Father Beady, why aren't you at the conclave? Maybe God doesn't think your special after all.

24 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11573 21:15

　　　I projectile vomited and shat diarrhea while
　　　　spinning in a crowded theater when Jack
　　　　　Black said CHICKEN JOCKEY and now there's
（･∀･）　 a reward for any information leading to my arrest!

25 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11574 07:52

　　 ,
　 /_Lヽ　
　(.　|　)　>>23 I can only assume they didn't invite me because they want it to be a fun surprise for me when I'm elected pope.
　( ・-・)　Can't wait to hear about that, I've been avoiding reading the news so I don't spoil it for them.
c(,_ｕｕﾉ　>>24 The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!

26 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11574 12:47

（･∀･） Actually I lied about >>24. I just stayed home and masturbated!

27 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11575 10:48

I changed my gender and my haircut,

28 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11575 11:55

　　 ,
　 /_Lヽ　
　(.　|　)　>>26 Lying to a priest, sloth, *and* committing the sin of Onan?
　( ・-・)　Junior, you've got to treat your immortal soul better than this.
c(,_ｕｕﾉ　>>27 You're a disembodied voice, you don't even have hair.

29 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-11576 00:45

（；*´_ゝ`） I stole from the offering basket and used the money to buy blunts and sex.

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