[VIOLENCE] ITT we decide who would win the fight set up by the poster above us (507)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 00:15

Clonepa or Superman?

301 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10239 21:28

>>300
Bravery has attempted murder and, based on actions and quotes, comes across as genuinely psychopathic. Chandler is clearly seriously mentally ill, but doesn't seem particularly cruel or violent. I would be inclined to give it to Bravery.

>>302
Antlion guard (Half Life 2) vs Vordt of the Boreal Valley (Dark Souls III)

302 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10334 23:02

>>301
The antlion guard has 500 HP, whereas Vordt of the Boreal Valley has 1328 HP (according to their respective wikis) and a significant size and mobility advantage... But Vordt also has silly segmented armor, and loses by virtue of inelegance!

>>303
Konpaku Youmu's ghost half (Touhou Project) vs. Cumsprite (Oglaf)

303 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10334 23:56

>>302
Youmu, by the virtues of (A) being Touhou and (B) not being Oglaf (faggot).

>>304
Your landlord or some tweaker you paid $500

304 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 00:19

>>303
Some tweaker I paid $500.
I know because I've tested this in real life, only with a tweaker I paid $20. If a $20 tweaker can beat my landlord, I'm sure a $500 tweaker will be 25 times as potent.

>>305
The soft squish poster from SAoVQ vs. a girl with no squish whatesoever to speak of

305 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 11:03

>>304
Girl with no squish. Look me in the eye and tell me you think a person who has an identity around posting "soft squish" on an obscure internet forum would not instantly faint if any real life girl looked at him for more than three seconds.

>>306
You vs your most recent ex, both armed with rapiers. Fight takes place on a cliff edge in the middle of a storm.

306 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 13:47

>>305
I would win because my ex doesn't exist and therefore has no arm with which to swing their rapier, giving me the clear advantage.

>>307
japanese old boy vs Golgomois

307 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 14:05

>>305
I win by default.

>>307
A man with diarrhea vs a masturbation addict over the last empty stall in a bathroom.

308 Name: vc: shett : 1993-09-10335 16:02

>>307
The man with diarrhea can use his own shit for propulsion, but the addict can use his cum aswell. I'd say they'd both get in at the same time, and the addict would cum all over the other's shit.

>>309
A nile crocodile vs Sailor Jupiter

309 Name: (ƒ¦‚ƒ_ƒ¦ÊÐ : 1993-09-10335 16:20

>>307
A man with diarrhea, because masturbation addict would rather masturbate in public anyway.

>>308
Depends on a genre.

>>310
C++ vs C#

310 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 21:22

>>309
C++ swings its ++ like a sword. C# brings its # up to block, but too slow! C++ wins.

>>311
Kobolds vs goblins

311 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10335 22:04

>>310
Kobold is cut apart by paladin who carries goblin around as portable onahole.

>>312
Crocodile vs. Crocs-branded plastic sandal

312 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10336 00:15

>>311
A crocodile would have a very easy time defeating the Croc brand sandal. However I've run this simulation 1000 times and in 3 of those the crocodile suffocated on the sandal and died leading to a no contest.

>313

Crunch vs crisp

313 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10337 13:27

>>312
The crisp is crunched.

>>314
A weeaboo vs a TTRPG nerd.

314 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10340 02:57

>>313
Weeaboo brings out his Samurai sword, unfortunately he has little practice and in his attempt to show off by spinning the sword around he accidentally cuts into his leg. The TTRPG nerd didn't even finish his strength roll.

>>315
A chicken vs a woman.

315 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10433 21:50

>>314
Chickens can be pretty vicious, for sure, but their beaks and claws are too small to do any lethal damage to a human. The woman, meanwhile, could pretty easily grab the chicken by the neck and strangle it or smash its head against a rock, without it having much opportunity to fight back.

>>316
Ornstein vs Smough

316 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 00:19

>>314
Smough. He's only two letters away from though.
Thoughers always win

317 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 10:43

>>318
A lesbian (homosexual woman) vs a Lesbian (resident of the island of Lesbos)

318 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 15:44

>>317
neither, the vibrator
>>319
300 chihuahuas or one tiger

319 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 20:15

>>318
Tigers are ambush predators specialised for taking down singular, large animals, so the tiger would be somewhat out of its comfort zone here. On the other hand, chihuahuas, while very vocal, are not remotely trained or bred for violence. I could well imagine the tiger running out of stamina, but I couldn't imagine the chihuahuas effectively capitalising on this weakness -- even against an incapacitated tiger, they would have difficulty landing any kind of killing blow. I would be inclined to give it to the tiger.

>>320
You armed with a glaive (or other polearm of your choice) vs an alligator.

320 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 20:39

>>319
The alligator. I'm a fucking PUSSY!

>>321
Audiobook vs Keyboard

321 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10434 21:33

>>320
keyboard. im a keyboard warrior
>>322
wojak versus pepe

322 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10435 16:17

>>321
Wojak has survived and morphed to this day, and has become very popular from its humble origins as a krautchan meme. Pepe has mostly faded and Apu and the one with no neck with the wine glass have become more popular than it. Wojak would outlast Pepe in a fight.
>>323
Albania vs North Macedonia vs Greece

323 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10435 23:25

>>322
The Balkan Empire is all that remains in the end.

>>324
Atlantis vs the Mu Continent

324 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10437 16:09

>>323
Nobody's heard of the Mu continent, so they have the element of surprise and win.

>>325
Father Dougal McGuire (Father Ted) vs Alice Tinker (The Vicar of Dibley)

325 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10466 10:21

>>308
Sailor Jupiter. Send a lightning bolt in the croc swamp and zap them to death.

326 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10466 22:35

>>324
They are both overwhelmingly more likely to accidentally injure themselves in some wacky slapstick fashion than they are to injure one another. I suspect the result would be a draw, or at best one might win by default if the other messes up badly enough.

>>327
Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion) vs Rei Ayanami (The Rei's Diner)

327 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10469 16:20

>>326
My bets would be on Rei Ayanami.

>>328
Jules Verne's dinosaurs hiding inside the Earth vs Nazi dignitaries hiding inside the Earth

328 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10469 17:31

>>327
Dinosaurs, no contest. Nazi artillery/tanks (if the dignitaries even have them) would be at a tremendous disadvantage given the underground terrain and lack of lighting, while lighter weaponry would do little against the thick hide of a voracious T-rex.

>>329
Fox vs swan

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