Clonepa or Superman?
>>428
First, I had no idea who Gekko Kamen and Allah no Shinsha were so I had to do research first. Their two different heroes. Gekko Kamen might be able to hide from Uncle Sam, but he’d get drone whacked eventually. He didn’t have a bike in the original series so he wouldn’t get far. Allah no Shinsha is equally susceptible to CIA drone strike, but he is the messenger of Allah. Taking him out would incite the wrath of Allah and destroying the US with a disaster of Biblical proportions.
>>431
Da Jews (a fictional all powerful force that manipulate world events and control literally everything) vs NERV
>>429 Antisemitism aside, isn't "a fictional all powerful force that manipulate world events and control literally everything" literally just what SEELE is in NGE? They're in charge of the UN and are using NERV for their own mysterious plans. So "Da Jews" totally have NERV beat in this fight.
>>431 Say Gex vs Gay Sex
>>431
While Gex is an unusually skilled gecko capable of adroitly navigating the Media Dimension and defeating his arch-enemy Rez, I am unsure how the act of saying his name possesses any offensive value whatsoever.
Gay sex is hardly more inherently suited for combat, but if the participants are massive bears, they could conceivably crush the person saying "Gex" in their throes of pleasure.
>>433
A chocobo vs. a moogle
>>432
Since zombies are pretty susceptible to fire, the Necromancer will use the underhanded tactic of bringing the Pyromancer’s dead wife back to face him. Overwhelmed by emotion, the Pyromancer will let his guard down and Necro will stab him in the neck with a pen.
>>434
Cute girl vs the entire incels subreddit
>>434
Do you have any idea how over the top 40k is? The Eldar can summon a physical manifestation of their war god, see thousands of years into the future, have technology so insane the "advanced" Protoss would think it's magic and, despite being a dying race, still massively outnumber the Protoss simply due to the scale of 40k.
This isn't even a fight, it's fly swatting.
>>436
A Titanfall pilot (along with his titan) vs the Team Fortress 2 crew
>>435
The TF2 team have a huge advantage in numbers, versatility, and tactics available to them. None of the titans really have anything up their sleeve that's devastating enough to wipe out the whole team before getting pincered, ambushed, or overwhelmed by numbers.
>>437
Generic mid-level D&D adventuring party (fighter, rogue, cleric, magic user) vs a xenomorph.
>>438
By kea I suppose you mean Manu Kea. Given that this volcano has been dormant for most of human history I doubt it would pose a threat to Russell Crow. Although there’s no way Crow could actually destroy it. This would be a long drawn out contest to see who dies first and I’m afraid Russel Crow can’t out live a mountain.
>>440
Hunter Biden vs a CIA agent armed with a plastic bag sent to silence him
>>439
By the power of crack cocaine, he is gonna banepost in real life and reveal that the he was, in fact, the Big Guy (for you) all along. The spook ends up garroted, not by his flimsy petrochemical weapon of choice, but by Hunter's massive loli-raeping wiener.
>>441
The laziest person you ever met vs. the fattest person you ever met
>>442
The banshee can scream all she likes. I doubt she has the ability to locate a poltergeist. Banshees herald the death of a family member so her only hope is the poltergeist is close with the relative in question and will become suicidally depressed and off himself by drinking holy water or something. A poltergeist can levitate fucking objects like Darth Vader and Steven Spielberg made a film about them. All bansees do is cry. So their like a regular woman.
>>444
Reality vs George Dubya
>>444
The wolf would probably eat the wicked sisters and the witch but when he goes for the snow queen he collapses of gastrointestinal perforation. The snow queen proceeds to shove the remaining pieces of meat down the wolf’s throat until he implodes.
>>446
Ted Bundy vs Elliot Rodger in a competition of who can kill the most sorority girls in 30 minutes.
>>445
Ted Bundy was noteworthy for his cunning; he committed his murders over a vast geographic area and using difficult-to-trace methods specifically to prevent law enforcement from tracking him down. However, this will in fact work against him here, in particular his distaste for firearms and apparently even blades.
Powered by sheer incel rage, Elliot Rodger will brazenly stab and gun down dozens of college babes and hapless bystanders while Ted wastes minutes carefully stalking and strangling each girl out of sight of witnesses, then hiding the evidence.
Things may go differently if the referee convinces Ted he will never face consequences for his murders, which may inspire him to finally exercise his 2nd Amendment rights, but even so I think Elliot's experience on the shooting range (and with stabbing three random dudes to death before he started his incel rampage) will give him the edge.
>>447
British football hooligans vs. Canadian hockey rioters
>>446
Canadian hocky fans know how to use sticks and padding. This gives them a +50 armor and greater range. Canadians are observably more intelligent than Britishers, who are also known to be so drunk they can barely walk. The Canadians> would smash their skulls with those sticks and use their bladed shoes to slit throats. It's a no contest.
>>448
Chinese Maoist red guards vs anime student council
>>447
Given their track record I'm going to have to pick the red guards here. They know how to bayonette charge with sticks and they hate all things Japanese.
>>449
Ronald McDonald vs Joe Biden vs Happosai vs the Rapeman in a contest to see how many innocent girls they can molest on the NYC subway system in a 48 hour crime spree.
>>449
All Basques do is sit around all day and smoke cigarettes. That's not enough to stop a league of battle hardened Indo-Europeans with their subject object verb syntax and minimal inflection, all of which allow for rapid communication. Basques are no match with their cumbersome ergative case. But wait! A group of marauding semites from North Africa have entered the fray. Neither Basque nor Indo-European can match the high precision and portability of Andalusian Arabic. While the Basques are mesmerized, the Indo-Europeans are too busy re-issuing orders and staring at each other in abject confusion. As their troops spend precious minutes trying to parse sentences and figure out what their orders mean, they are cut down by semetic steel. The Basques mostly surrender but not without some resistance. Their terrorist campaign fails to leave any impression on the Arabs who are far more skilled at bombings. The WTC is detonated to remind the Basques of their new masters.
>>451
Zombie vs stoner
>>450
A zombie's primary mode of attack is the slowly shuffling undead swarm, which is rendered less than inevitable by his not having appeared in a swarm. This makes him singularly vulnerable to that of the rankest amateur of all lapidators, i.e. those who've participated in at least one Arabian death sentence. The outcome is that the zed cops a big rock to his rotten soft domepiece and expires from splattered brain, leaving the stoner to spark up a fat doob in victory.
>>452
Shakespeare vs. a shaking spearman
>>451
Shakespeare was an actor as well as a playwright, and judging by the violent content of a lot of his plays, there's a good chance he had at least some experience fighting (even if it was only staged). Unfortunately, he's at a distinct disadvantage here, being unarmed and unarmoured up against someone with a weapon. Realistically, the bard is only going to win if he can disarm the spearman. I see two ways forward for him: first, a quick lunge forward past the range of the tip of the spear, then wrestling it from his opponent's hands, or second, staying well out of reach and counting on the spearman throwing his weapon like a javelin and missing. Both are very risky. It's possible the spearman's tremor may make his grip and aim slightly worse, but I'd say the odds are still 70/30 in his favour.
>>453
Wikipe-tan vs ME-tan.
>>452
ME-tan attempts to sit on Wikipe-tan to crush her with the bloat that was her birthright. Unfortunately the passing years have made ME-tan's 2000-era 64 megabyte minimum requirement positively miniscule compared to the heinous bulk of JavaScript with which Wikipe-tan is belarded, so it's like a gnat trying to choke out an elephant. Eventually Wikipe-tan reverses the position and ME-tan bluescreens before tapping out.
>>454
Dickgirl vs. pussyboy
>>457
Due to ( ・ิω・ิ)'s public exhibitionism, (´<_` ) is convinced ( ・ิω・ิ) is really a VIPPER in disguise. His suspicions turn out to be correct.
Taking the initiative, ( ・ิω・ิ) summons the spirit of DADDY COOL. However, due to being incorporeal and physically weak, he doesn't help very much.
>>459
Stephen Wolfram vs. Gerald Sussman
>>459
Darkness hides in the corner and casts shadows where light cannot reach, remaining undefeated in the indefinite term. Light finally succumbs to the cold dark end of all things where all stars have gone out and even the most distant cosmic light has attenuated to naught, but it'll take her billions upon billions of years.
>>461
Salt vs. vinegar
>>461
Sauron was vanquished when his favorite piece of bling fell into a volcano, whereas Cthulhu is often stated to be unkillable and there is no reason to doubt this. The best Sauron can hope for is a stalemate, probably because Cthulhu can't even be bothered to wake up to react to his puny attacks.
>>463
Faggot (bundle of sticks) vs faggot (meatball)
>>468
Judging by the streams, mists, and lush vegetation, it sounds like Ember's going to have a tough time getting a good forest fire going. I reckon Seraph's going to extinguish him and his army without much trouble.
>>470
You vs a survival horror game-style physical incarnation of your greatest fear. You are permitted any generic survival horror protagonist weapons of your choice (steel pipe, pistol, shotgun, etc.)
>>469
My greatest fear as an aging autist and wizard is sex with a woman. Since a twisted incarnation of a naked human female shouldn’t be that hard to kill, I’d win pretty easily. I guess I’d pick the most proportionate weapon: the rock drill from Silent Hill. We all know how those disturbingly erotic nurses can be bullet sponges on the highest difficulty level, but they are easily turned to mince meat by the rock drill. Since the quickest way to kill someone is the most humane, the rock drill is the most merciful way to dispatch the succubus.
>>471
Tsunami vs a sea of lava erupting from a mega volcano
Dio Brando might be formidable and named after GOD a but even he has to sleep. Homura Akemi has the opportunity to kill him in a nightmare, which movies have taught me lead to death irl.
>>473
A hipster vegan California valley girl vs the gluten demon
>>473
According to https://pvpoke.com/battle/1500/ho_oh/moltres/11/17-1-2/1-5-1/,
>Ho-Oh loses in 42.5s with a battle rating of 196
>6 turns of difference can flip this scenario. It is somewhat vulnerable to energy, IV, or lag factors.
>>475
Guy who can only speak in timecube.com quotes vs guy who can only speak in gay porn quotes. Public debate about the morality of pissing in public swimming pools.
>>474
Gay porn quotes guy wins by virtue of being the only one who can stay on topic. "Our daddy taught us not to be ashamed" might not be a particularly compelling argument, but it's better than incoherent and vaguely derisive rambling about God and geometry.
>>476
Meat Boy (Super Meat Boy) vs Isaac (The Binding of Isaac).
>>479
It doesn't count as winning if your opponent is too depressed to get out of bed and show up at the fight location. Given his obesity, I doubt Strong Sad could stomach Salad Fingers anyway. He gives up without even touching his plate.
>>481
Kitchen staff of The Rei's Diner vs McDonalds kitchen staff
>>483
Sisyphus is likely swole as shit from pushing a boulder for all eternity, while Prometheus is chained to a rock and gets bullied by an eagle. I think Sisyphus wins this round.
Noa Izumi and Alphonse (Patlabor) vs. Leona Ozaki and Bonaparte (Dominion Tank Police)
>>491
Given enough time, the serene waves will erode the mountain into a cliff face. But to everybody's surprise the mountain turns out to be an active volcano capable of rebuilding itself with lava and tephra. Its a race to see which dies first. Will the lake waters dry up before the mountain goes extinct? Will the volcano go dormant and be slowly whittled away by the water? Since no one can possibly confirm the outcome of what would be the longest battle ever, the officials are calling it a stalemate.
>>493
Space Battleship Yamato vs the Death Star
>>493
In terms of raw physical attributes, Solid Snake has the edge. Despite being in his late 40s or early 50s in recent games, he maintains an athletic physique and impressive physical conditioning from years of special forces training. Sam Fisher is also in excellent shape for his age, which is late 40s-early 50s as well, but Snake canonically possesses greater strength, stamina, and hand-to-hand combat prowess. Both are exceptional marksmen with a wide variety of firearms, but Snake has engaged in direct firefights more often throughout his career.
However, Sam Fisher's forte is stealth and subterfuge. He is a master of infiltration, covert movement, and gathering intel without being detected. Thanks to his background in Third Echelon's research and development of new stealth technologies, Fisher has access to spy gear beyond what is ordinarily available like vision augmentation, non-lethal weaponry, and sophisticated communications equipment. He is incredibly difficult to detect and can neutralize threats silently from the shadows.
Solid Snake relies more on guerrilla tactics, close quarters combat training, and improvisation when stealth fails. While still highly skilled in stealth operations, direct combat is more in his wheelhouse compared to Fisher. His missions have also frequently placed him in open battle scenarios where all-out fights were inevitable. However, Snake makes up for any technological disadvantages with intense willpower, vast experience, and a tendency to turn any environment or object into a makeshift weapon.
As for skillsets, Fisher has a wide array of stealth skills like disguising, lockpicking, climbing, hacking, and linguistic abilities that allow him to seamlessly blend in anywhere. Solid Snake is savvy but less refined in impersonation and technical skills. However, he has demonstrated expertise in first aid, survival training, tracking, and is peerless at interrogating enemies for crucial intel.
Overall, if this was a direct confrontation with no preparation or intel gathering beforehand, I'd give the edge to Solid Snake. His all-around soldier abilities, years of facing impossible odds, and tendency to improvise brilliant plans on the fly would serve him well against Fisher's stealth-oriented tactics. However, if Fisher was given time to plan an ambush using the full arsenal of his spy technologies and infiltration talents, he could certainly find a way to defeat even the legendary Solid Snake while avoiding detection. It would be an epic clash between two legendary soldiers of espionage, but Snake's experience with reactive, fluid combat scenarios makes him a bit tougher in a straight fight. There's also the fact that much more crazy shit happens in Metal Gear and Solid Snake has defeated adversaries with semi-supernatural abilities.
>>495
The old coots who comment on The Register vs. The crazy people posting on the Phoronix forums
>>496
Gotta go with Godzilla. Assuming no crazy hijinks from the EVA suit like doing that apotheosis shit that shifts reality. Assuming it's just a semi-conscious mecha vs kaiju I would say that it'd end up with Shinji and Godzilla teaming up to beat Destoroyah. EVA suits themselves can get blown up and die, and since big G can take out shit like mechagodzilla it doesn't seem the primary threat.
So Godzilla vs Destoroyah will probably end with godzilla just barely winning with help.
>>498
The God Emperor from 40k vs The God Emperor from Dune.
>>503
Highly dependent on the circumstances. If I can arm myself and confront the sluggish dragon as it digests a fresh kill, I think I've got a decent chance. If we're both dropped into a sand pit in prime condition to wrestle it out bare-handed (or bare-clawed in the dragon's case), I'm getting gruesomely torn to chunks.
In the absence of any information about the match, I will not wager money on my own survival.
>>504
Friend (20th Century Boys) vs every Kemono Friend (Kemono Friends)
>>504 The Instagram model can summon thousands of South Asian men to defend her, while the Tiktok influencer can summon an army of millions of children. Based upon grip strength studies, the Instagram model's army is unfortunately not likely very strong, and the Tiktok influencer's army could overpower them by numbers. The Youtuber has a strong counter to the child army with his special skill: 「Bad Touch」, which can instandly groom any opponent under age 18, turning them into thralls, with a number of uses and frequency of use determined by his subscriber count. This is, potentially countered by the Wikipedia editor's contacts in the US State Department, though he more typically is bound by their commands than able to summon them, and if the Youtuber happens to be supplying the Global Elites with members of the child army he's used his skill on, then he'll have protection that the Wikipedia editor just can't break through. Overall, I think it's a tossup between the Youtuber and the Tiktok influencer, primarily determined by whether the Algorithm chooses to screw either of them over.
>>506 A team of transgender programmers leading an army of Twitch politics/debate streamer viewers versus a small, elite cadre of gay nazi bodybuilder Twitter users leading an army of angry and confused Qanon-obsessed boomers.
>>505
The transgender programmers, some of which have expanded past self-administering hormones into bulking up with steroids, are a shockingly even match for the gay nazi bodybuilders, several of whom turn out to actually be obese basement-dwelling grifters from Malaysia merely pretending to be gay nazi bodybuilders.
Their ultimate victory is secured by the Twitch streamer viewers. Although not particularly strong on average, and perhaps less eager to fight and kill, the streamers are far younger and healthier than the Qanon-obsessed boomers. Many of the boomers fall victim to complications of diabetes, lung disease and simply being old and decrepit as the battle rages on, allowing the younger generations to clinch the win.
>>507
Pancakes vs. waffles.
>>507
The catboy is submissive by nature and cats are known for being unsociable and staying in doors limits his means of escape. As a homosexual, he'd recoil in horror at the mere sight of a female body. Not only is the foxgirl dominant but she's bisexual which gives her inherent advantages and perks like knowing both male and female antomy and how to exploit them. He could flee but the foxgirl's excellent tracking skills and cunning make this futile. The catboy would be seduced, fucked, and turned easily.
>>509
Cute girl vs Bury Pink girl.
>>509
While the tits ability to fly gives them the aerial advantage, their size makes them too small to do any real damage, even with their numbers in consideration of the fact that they have to get close to do any damage in the first place aka getting-chomped range (GCR), given equines good track record (heh) of eating small birds, I’m gonna have to give this fight to the ass.
>>511
A Fifteenth century alchemist vs a modern day chemist
>>512
Both are heavily armoured grass munchers. Stegosaurus spiked tail could inflict horrific damage, but ankylosaurus has a more robust build and better movement albeit slow. Its huge tail club could crush the stegosaurus plate armour. Ultimately, the ankylosaurus slow speed will be its downfall. Stegosaurus will whip it to death from the outside or get its herd buddies to join in.
>>514
SAS vs [s4s]