The shirt was
Funny Wieners had lost his mind after years of having to clean up the routing leftovers of the dead.
"Someone's running out of creativity!"
said the ever so autistic Zeghamet Benis.
The shirt was
fine white silk, with poofy sleeves and ruffles down the front.
Ruffles potato chips that is. Original flavor.
They were fairly nice potato chips, but nothing to write home about.
They are referred to as Doritos™. What an incredibly enticing aroma! And such an appetizing taste! I impore you to savor such a fine, crispy delicacy.
With love,
Zeghamet Benis
P.P.S. Heh, I said pee-pee.
On the way back from the Post office, Zeghamet Benis was stopped by
a smell. It was
not a nice smell. Rather,
it was practically a crime against nature - I mean,
it was a horse smell for God's sake.
Benis looked up to see what could have been the cause of this horrid sensation. Much to his surprise, he encountered
Pancho Muchacho, the world famous Mexican show horse. Pancho was wearing
a sombrero and Dockers pants. He pulled out a piece of paper with MapQuest directions and flashed it at Benis for a split second and asked, "Where's the soccer fiel', wey?"
What a Mexican.
Then Benis died of horseitis, god bless his soul.
Zeghamet Benis mourned her brother's death in addition to that of Randy McNally. This double grief opened a rift in the fabric of
that off-the-rack lime green affair
, or didn't, depending on whether Randy McNally was actually dead or not.
Randy McNally was dead, however, and now there was a nasty rift that needed a proper sewing. With no needles in sight, Zeghamet Benis decided to end his own life rather than face the consequences of
being a male. Zeghamet Benis mourned the death of her male counterparts but honored his sacrifice by sewing up the rift with her 4th dimensional sewing kit. Now with 3 levels of grief she stuffed her face with Doritos to dull the pain.
The next morning, she put on her finest blouse, went to the county courthouse and officially changed her name to Zeghamet Bajina.
"I am Zeghamet Bajina"
said an unrelated dog.
"Also, woof."
"And Arf!" the dog added, "If it comes down to that."
Then the dog exploded. It was a fairly nice explosion.
"Bark," said the explosion.
Rarely vice. Nearly thrice. Swirly ice. Fairy lice.
yeah
uh huh, bitch
None of it was as nice as Randy's sweater, though.
He was buried in a teal sweater. 50% cashmere, 50% silk.
Unless he wasn't, depending on whether he was actually dead or not.
He wasn't though. Randy's state of being both alive and dead at the same tame tear open a hole in the very fabric of the universe. The whole universe is swallowed in a brisk instant. Time itself starts anew.
A dog barks at the emptiness.
AND HE WAS SO ANGRY!
CHAPTER DOG
Arf, arf arf. Arf arf arf arf.
This arf was sent to dog because dog indicated that dog are willing to receive the latest trending arf, hot arf, and announcement arf.
COOL FREE ARF
Later, Randy and Pancho met at the downtown Arf Gallery for coffee.
BUT THERE WERE NO ARFS.
Instead, shirts of all kinds had been hung on the walls.
Some of the shirts were okay.
Wondermonk Stoeller
felt out of place as he nervously glanced at his off the rack lime green affair.
"Search over the internet banking
to find your greatest loan," screamed a particularly garish shirt with a number of corporate graphics on it.
"Never stop your
nightmares from becoming sexual fantasies" said a shirt which
displayed it timidly on a rather small font. "These shirts are pretty nice", began Andy. "But where are all the cool free arfs?"
Chinese coco bread con queso
announced yet another shirt. "How quirky!", sarcastically remarked Al Capone before murdering everyone present with his tommy gun.
Death
was on a shirt,
but
soon Al Capone turned the gun on himself. Before long,
but after short,
medium.
CHAPATER TEHREE
DONUTS AND SPORKS WHHY ARE?
It was random but
le fettuccine ebini
Was a new tasty meal being invented by Dr. Robotnik and his new Meme Team.
The Mean Meme Machine
Lacked support for scumbag hats
and the Golden Baby
Curl up into a ball
and asked for help.
What help did they need? Well, you see
they were having trouble choosing the right shirt. On one hand,
there was this lime green shirt
and on the other hand, it was owned by Rowboat Girlyman (infamous shirt hoarder).
The other shirt was stained with
So, clearly, this was a job for S.A.N.T.A., a rogue band of elves dedicated to stealing shit for their own profit and selling it on the black market.
Three beans
eat your greens
Was a saying the elves often used when having dinner.
My mystical power is that of turning wine into water.
said Bryan Flobbly, the hero we deserve. Bryan was
wearing a faded Batman logo t-shirt.
But what the people didn't know about, was his secret Superman shirt he wore underneath it.
It was a very nice secret Superman shirt.
Bryan was confident on his mystical proweseness. He announced to an audience "Prepare to be amazed as I turn all the water in this container into wine!" Byran began the rite. After 5 minutes of chanting on an unintelligible language and hideous body contortions, it was done. People rushed to taste the transmogrified miracle, but to their surprise, it wasn't wine they tasted but
an off-the-rack lime green affair.
Bryan Flobbly, the hero we deserve, was frozen in
water. "We better get him out berry berry fast! Hop mommy!" Said the Indian. Will you ever
see him again? No, because he drowned before they got to him. Fortunately, his blood made the water taste like
chicken teriyaki and
his bones added a hint of
lime
green jello to the
max.
Max was pleased.
green lime jello, yea boyeeeeeee