The shirt was
Zeghamet Benis mourned her brother's death in addition to that of Randy McNally. This double grief opened a rift in the fabric of
that off-the-rack lime green affair
, or didn't, depending on whether Randy McNally was actually dead or not.
Randy McNally was dead, however, and now there was a nasty rift that needed a proper sewing. With no needles in sight, Zeghamet Benis decided to end his own life rather than face the consequences of
being a male. Zeghamet Benis mourned the death of her male counterparts but honored his sacrifice by sewing up the rift with her 4th dimensional sewing kit. Now with 3 levels of grief she stuffed her face with Doritos to dull the pain.
The next morning, she put on her finest blouse, went to the county courthouse and officially changed her name to Zeghamet Bajina.
"I am Zeghamet Bajina"
said an unrelated dog.
"Also, woof."
"And Arf!" the dog added, "If it comes down to that."
Then the dog exploded. It was a fairly nice explosion.
"Bark," said the explosion.
Rarely vice. Nearly thrice. Swirly ice. Fairy lice.
yeah
uh huh, bitch
None of it was as nice as Randy's sweater, though.
He was buried in a teal sweater. 50% cashmere, 50% silk.
Unless he wasn't, depending on whether he was actually dead or not.
He wasn't though. Randy's state of being both alive and dead at the same tame tear open a hole in the very fabric of the universe. The whole universe is swallowed in a brisk instant. Time itself starts anew.
A dog barks at the emptiness.
AND HE WAS SO ANGRY!
CHAPTER DOG
Arf, arf arf. Arf arf arf arf.
This arf was sent to dog because dog indicated that dog are willing to receive the latest trending arf, hot arf, and announcement arf.
COOL FREE ARF
Later, Randy and Pancho met at the downtown Arf Gallery for coffee.
BUT THERE WERE NO ARFS.
Instead, shirts of all kinds had been hung on the walls.
Some of the shirts were okay.
Wondermonk Stoeller
felt out of place as he nervously glanced at his off the rack lime green affair.
"Search over the internet banking
to find your greatest loan," screamed a particularly garish shirt with a number of corporate graphics on it.
"Never stop your
nightmares from becoming sexual fantasies" said a shirt which
displayed it timidly on a rather small font. "These shirts are pretty nice", began Andy. "But where are all the cool free arfs?"
Chinese coco bread con queso
announced yet another shirt. "How quirky!", sarcastically remarked Al Capone before murdering everyone present with his tommy gun.
Death
was on a shirt,
but
soon Al Capone turned the gun on himself. Before long,
but after short,
medium.
CHAPATER TEHREE
DONUTS AND SPORKS WHHY ARE?
It was random but
le fettuccine ebini
Was a new tasty meal being invented by Dr. Robotnik and his new Meme Team.
The Mean Meme Machine
Lacked support for scumbag hats
and the Golden Baby
Curl up into a ball
and asked for help.
What help did they need? Well, you see
they were having trouble choosing the right shirt. On one hand,
there was this lime green shirt
and on the other hand, it was owned by Rowboat Girlyman (infamous shirt hoarder).
The other shirt was stained with
So, clearly, this was a job for S.A.N.T.A., a rogue band of elves dedicated to stealing shit for their own profit and selling it on the black market.
Three beans
eat your greens
Was a saying the elves often used when having dinner.
My mystical power is that of turning wine into water.
said Bryan Flobbly, the hero we deserve. Bryan was
wearing a faded Batman logo t-shirt.
But what the people didn't know about, was his secret Superman shirt he wore underneath it.
It was a very nice secret Superman shirt.
Bryan was confident on his mystical proweseness. He announced to an audience "Prepare to be amazed as I turn all the water in this container into wine!" Byran began the rite. After 5 minutes of chanting on an unintelligible language and hideous body contortions, it was done. People rushed to taste the transmogrified miracle, but to their surprise, it wasn't wine they tasted but
an off-the-rack lime green affair.
Bryan Flobbly, the hero we deserve, was frozen in
water. "We better get him out berry berry fast! Hop mommy!" Said the Indian. Will you ever
see him again? No, because he drowned before they got to him. Fortunately, his blood made the water taste like
chicken teriyaki and
his bones added a hint of
lime
green jello to the
max.
Max was pleased.
green lime jello, yea boyeeeeeee
said Max, as it was his second favourite
shirt color.
Off-the-rack green lime jello
CHAPTER 23
Shirts Go To War!
Ethel the Aardvark was hopping down
the road to go to the store. They were having a sale on
lime green jello affairs, 2 for 1!
he was looking for a kiwi
on the moon.
"That'd be a pleasant design for a shirt", though Ethel the Aardvark.
Ethel was about to enter the store when a stray bullet pierced its skull, staining the store entrance with a collection of gray matter and blood.
The war of the shirts, begun has.
The mothers of strangers wept.
The mothers of strangers wept.
The mothers of strangers continued weeping, much like an infected wound on a summer's day.
The stranger mothers wept also, but more strangely.
Anime was gone.
"Finally."
The Lime King Maximus saw the dark future his kingdom would suffer, and, with a pre-emptive sigh of desperation, uttered the phrase that he knew would save his people and restore confidence in the Lime lineage.
This utterance would call upon the ancient debt the Lime Green Armies had earned, all those years ago. The war, now only documented in priceless, fragile tomes, saw the noble Armies aid the Fish People in brutal and bloody combat against an unspeakably hideous foe.
King Fin the Thirteenth, humbled and grateful for the aid the Green Armies had so selflessly brought, gifted upon the Lime King Geoff a single promise. "I am personally indebted," said King Fin, "and should your kingdom see grave danger, you must only call upon your new fin allies."
This debt, secretly passed down hundreds of years Lime heritage and only to be used as a last resort, was finally to be repaid.
"Finally," spoke the King. "I hope I pronounced that right."
The terror of Zanzibar
The terror of marzipan, on the other hand,
is a worm wearing a dress.
A fairly nice dress.
LIME GREEN