INSTANT REVIEW: C
You can complain all you want, it's not going anywhere anytime soon.
>>200
oh we got it, but we didn't feel a need to bump the thread to say so
In after 200GET
INSTANT REVIEW: Visual Basic
Because boss wants it done, YESTERDAY!
INSTANT REVIEW: SML
It is impossible to get a runtime exception with this language, because it is impossible to understand the compiler errors.
(This also applies to Haskell.)
INSTANT REVIEW: VB.NET
>combines the essence of C++ and javascript
>>80 I lold
INSTANT REVIEW - Pseudocode
Just as useful as Pascal: You will have a great idea of what to do, but you'll have to apply it somewhere else later if you want it to be out to the public.
INSTANT REVIEW: Lisp
http://xkcd.com/c224.html
INSTANT REVIEW: Visual Basic
BASIC and C++ are horrible! Let's program in both of them at the same time!
INSTANT REVIEW: C++
Segmentation fault.
INSTANT REVIEW: C
Hello World!^$&% @LK#J @ ^K@#LJ$ @#LKJ(U (U ASH@#%() (@U# 235 23(^@#)(U$ @#I^ 2394 2#^(@ U#$@#$ 23^KJ#$ @(#U ^U==12#(P @%(U
INSTANT REVIEW: PHP
\'Hello World!\'
>>211
good one
INSTANT REVIEW: Common Lisp
We got the language right back in the '50s, and then spent the next 50 years trying to agree on the argument order. And failed.
Algol: Assembly language is too low-level.
Pascal: Algol doesn't have enough data types.
Modula: Pascal is too wimpy for systems programming.
Simula: Algol isn't good enough at simulations.
Smalltalk: Not everything in Simula is an object.
Fortran: Assembly language is too low-level.
Cobol: Fortran is scary.
PL/1: Fortran doesn't have enough data types.
Ada: Every existing language is missing something.
Basic: Fortran is scary.
APL: Fortran isn't good enough at manipulating arrays.
J: APL requires its own character set.
C: Assemby language is too low-level.
C++: C is too low-level.
Java: C++ is a kludge. And Microsoft is going to crush us.
C#: Java is controlled by Sun.
Lisp: Turing Machines are an awkward way to describe computation.
Scheme: MacLisp is a kludge.
T: Scheme has no libraries.
Common Lisp: There are too many dialects of Lisp.
Dylan: Scheme has no libraries, and Lisp syntax is scary.
Perl: Shell scripts/awk/sed are not enough like programming languages.
Python: Perl is a kludge.
Ruby: Perl is a kludge, and Lisp syntax is scary.
Prolog: Programming is not enough like logic.
MATLAB: You'd already best have finished C if you even want to THINK about using this language.
>>216
Look, it's Paul Graham!
Or is a just a faggot who copy and pastes shit from reddit?
Aw c'mon, don't bring back this worthless trolling thread.
INSTANT REVIEW: Python and Ruby
We're advanced languages!
Huh? Lexical scoping? What's that?
ruby: last minute attempt to be functional
lucid: haskell and prolog are not academic enough
>>220 Ruby has lexical scoping.
>>223
It most assuredly does not. Rather, it has that hack called blocks to substitute for first-class functions and lexical scoping (and doesn't get it right either).
Saying it doesn't get it right without saying how it doesn't get it right, is effectively the same as giving no information whatsoever.
>>225
For your edification: http://4-ch.net/code/kareha.pl/1132768506/105
Now, let's get back to the humor:
INSTANT REVIEW: Machine Code
1010 1010 1011 1010 0010 0011 1001 1001
Delphi: silently getting shits done.
INSANT REVIEW: lisp
Simple (the first scheme manual was ~50 pages long))))))))))))))))))))))))
PowerShell, C#, and J#: "C'mon guys, we're cool and hip! Just like Ruby, Python, and Java!"
WCF (Indigo) and ASP.NET: "C'mon guys, we're cool and hip! Just like SOAP, AJAX, PHP, and Rails!"
OT: Zune: "C'mon guys, we're cool and hip! Just like the iPod!"
INSTANT REVIEW: >>230
Will hate anything with Microsoft's name on it, without ever looking at what it actually is.
>>231
I used to work at Microsoft ("v-" work-for-hire on the Group Policy sub-division of the Enterprise Services sub-division of the OS division). So yes, I am pretty familiar with most of the technologies I mock.
Have you ever heard of irony? I hate MS's sycophancy more than the actual technologies themselves.
INSTANT REVIEW: >>231
Abort, Retry, or Fail (A/R/F)? F
INSTANT REVIEW: Ruby
A blast!
INSTANT REVIEW: Actionscript
Let's pay money to program in PHP.
INSTANT REVIEW: Python
The OSX of programming languages. Good at getting stuff done, but it won't help your E-penis.
>>235
If you have to explain the analogy then it isn't funny.
>>236
If you have to explain someones failure, he instantly wins and you fail
>>237
I disagree. Rather, you fail.
>>238
i agree. you fail.
INSTANT REvIEW: C#
I'm Java, but not portable.
INSTANT REVIEW: Eiffel
Buzzword-oriented programming.
INSTANT REVIEW VIA LARRY WALL QUOTES: PHP
"We've also seen the rise of PHP, which takes the worse-is-better approach to dazzling new depths, as it were. By and large PHP seems to be making the same progression of mistakes as early Perl did, only slower."
INSTANT REVIEW: Java
I'm Java, but not portable.
INSTANT REVIEW: Python
Unreadable, unmaintainable and unstructured.
INSTANT REVIEW: Trolling
Post deleted by moderator.
>>248
Forced indentation doesn't help readability, although it does increase irritability.
>>250
Why not?
Because frankly, expert programmers don't want to waste time tending bonsai when they're experimenting. That means they want a language that helps them get prototype-quality results fast. That's why languages like perl and lisp are so damn powerful: Their design makes it easy to get results fast.
When Python makes you spend so much time on some code aesthetic that you're not experimenting, you necessarily end up with a second-rate design. Oh sure, it looks pretty, but it took you three times longer, and it's slower than what could've been accomplished in better languages.
>>252
I've already designed my program using models on paper and in my head before I touch a keyboard. Writing code takes me no time compared to the time it takes me to model ways of solving the specs.
>>253 The requirements are rarely well-known enough to make those kinds of decisions before development starts. That's why programs like BIND, Sendmail, DHCPD, and Apache are so freakishly complicated, and buggy. It isn't because the people writing them are worse engineers than you- they're probably much better engineers. It is the result of their development that has made the domain well-defined, so it is obvious that getting the prototype working quickly is more important. It provides useful information that all the planning on paper and "in your head" will simply never provide.
>>252
Get a real text editor editor.
Also, I don't see how it doesn't help readability.
Better yet, use a better language and a real text editor, and save even more time.
Discussion now continues here: http://4-ch.net/code/kareha.pl/1197432195/
INSTANT REVIEW: XSLT
It's Turing Complete!
>>261
What do you mean by assembler?
Like NASM or that fucking horrible GNU ASM
>>262
NASM uses what's called Intel assembly. "The other" format is AT&T assembly, and it has a number of functional benefits over Intel syntax, not the least of which being it's what every other system uses, which means porting between architectures is (a small bit) easier.
NASM reminds me too much of Microsoft assembler.
[B]INSTANT REVIEW: MALBOLGE[/B]
GOQ/)§%"06z8jT§%OI&UJASOI%
The point here is kind of that you should try to actually be funny or insightful. Also, welcome to a world unpolluted by BBcode.
INSTANT REVIEW: PHP
Warning: mysql_connect() [function.mysql-connect]: Can't connect to MySQL server on 'localhost' (10055) in /home/httpd/public_html/index.php on line 3
Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent in /home/httpd/public_html/index.php on line 3
I don\\\\'t know why more people haven\\\\'t tried PHP yet, it\\\\'s so easy to make a dynamic website with it!
Warning: mysql_num_rows(): supplied argument is not a valid MySQL result resource in /home/httpd/public_html/index.php on line 21
>>267
I did. Read the post.
That's not a review. That's an error copypasta.
>>269 obviously didn't read the body of the error.
I did, and it wasn't funny, and the error messages didn't make it any funnier.
>>267-272
massive fail
Less lame 4chanisms would also be appreciated. Once again, if you have something to say, say it. Don't quote tired old memes that no longer have any meaning at all.
>>274
massive fail
>>274 "Don't quote tired old memes" is in itself a tired old meme.
INSTANT REVIEW: Io
Javascript done right, but these objects are too slow :(
<b>INSTANT REVIEW: C#/Java</b>
Slower than C, more memory use than Python, less libraries than Perl. Serves no technical purpose.
[b]INSTANT REVIEW: C#/Java[/b]
Popularity through marketing has one huge advantage for the programmer: thousands and thousands of employment opportunities, so you can hack on Haskell/Ruby/YourFavoriteToyLanguage in your spare time.
close! You need a space between the = and the )
Ghostscript is more forgiving then this board.
still more forgiving than DQN's elitist superstructure
INSTANT REVIEW: Java
When you want to create apps(shit) like Runescape.
INSTANT REVIEW: C++
All the features of your favorite modern languages, without the overhead, as long as you're willing to invest YEARS learning it.
>>285
Unless those YEARS'' involve implementing those other languages in C++, that statement is only true if your only favorite modern'' language is C++, and then only partially, because C++ has exactly as much overhead as C++ does.
INSTANT REVIEW: MarkDown
Monkey patching ASCII at its finest.
All the features of your favorite modern languages, with the overhead of implementing those features yourself, and it will take YEARS to do that correctly.
Fix'd
INSTANT REVIEW: LOLCODE
Oh god no.
INSTANT REVIEW: C# and .net
ms make VB verson of java and c
>>291
Oh man Allen Iverson is my favorite basketball player!
That makes absolutely no fucking sense at all. You are confusing a lot of unrelated things.
.Net is not a programming language.
C# and VB.Net have similar capabilities but are not the same and the languages are fundamentally different.
C# is similar to the Java language, but closer to C++ than the Java language.
Many languages use the C style syntax, including Java. Java and C# are a long way from the C language.
.Net is similar to the Java platform but fundamentally contains more in many aspects.
You demonstrate a complete lack of understanding of the concets of Java, .Net and C.
OK, I'll instantly review a language with the same comprehention as that post.
INSTANT REVIEW: Ruby and Rails
Ruby Team make Smalltalk verson of Python and Perl
Fuck, that actually makes more sense than that nonsense.