Lame Confessional [LAME] [#2] (494)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7184 22:14

Last night I stayed with my girlfriend at her parents' house, and I dreamt that I was having sex with someone, and I could push a button and my sexual partner changed through different people, and I flicked through until it was a fat old granny, and I was pumping away then I woke up and realised I'd ejaculated in my girlfriend's parents' guest bed.

301 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 17:47

I rode the short bus.

302 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 19:31

Sometimes I wonder if I should hold back my best stupid ideas (like "Couch Potatolympics") for some kind of Kindle book or just give 'em up to the net and forego all possibility of profit.

Clearly, my impulse is to just throw it out there the moment I think of it, and I'm not really happy with that impulse.

303 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8070 23:06

>>302
We are all going to become filthy rich once the DQN Shirt Novel is done, printed and published. I'm sure of it. It will start a new trend among yound and daring authors. Books studying the DQN Shirt Novel will still be written 200, no, 500 years in the future.

304 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8071 02:58

>>302
I'm glad you share your ideas. Sites like this survive on fresh content. Besides, you're not giving up possibility of profit just because you posted them on the net, you could still publish a book that collects all your ideas.

305 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8071 12:31

>>297
Kill yourself, "kudasai"

306 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8071 13:35

>>305
Hi /jp/

307 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8193 17:42

I was 20 seconds earlier to the building than the cute girl who works on the floor below, and rather than awkwardly/creepily wait for her or make her wait for the elevator to come back, I ran up several flights of stairs instead.

308 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8196 13:21

It's the first day of classes and I'm nervous because I'm not good at TAing. Also, I hate commuting when this college town is full of people.

309 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8205 00:59

CLPPNG gives me goosebumps.

310 Name: (L„tMG) : 1993-09-8258 00:57

I complain that I have no friends, but the second anyone tries to message me I get irritated because I don't feel like talking. Everyday life is very lonely, so I go for walks around where I live (there's a surprising amount of sidewalks, even on highways!) and I hope that someone will talk to me, but no one ever talks to a no-good NEET.

I become afraid that not only am I a monster, but I look like one too. But then I realize even if someone did talk to me, I'd have nothing interesting to talk about, and I'd get way too nervous.

311 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8260 16:46

When I started playing the Final Fantasy X HD remake, one of my main thoughts was that Yuna should have been designed to show way more sideboob. Then I wondered if I should have felt bad about having that thought, then I decided that I had no reason to feel bad about it.

312 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8260 19:00

>>311 quite interesting

313 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8260 21:47

>>312 hey, this is the lame confessional, not comedy night. I'm not here to entertain you, I'm here to get absolution for my lame sins.

314 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8261 07:56

>>313 It was completely sincere, it was an interesting thought that i pondered for a few minutes...

315 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8261 13:18

>>314 in that case, I apologize, and I'm happy that someone else thought about the same thing I did.

316 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8261 15:41

>>311
I bought X-2 because of Rika's outfit.
I got a really fun game out of the deal, but it wasn't that sexy.

317 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8261 17:48

Yeah, X-2 is deceptive in that it looks like it's full of fanservice from the outside, but it's not really so much, especially considering the length of the game. Not even close to something like Ar tonelico or Senran Kagura or something like that.

318 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8308 02:58

Sometimes I'm tempted to post my own comments that I'm particularly proud of from other sites in the [BEYOND DQN] Someone else's comment from some site nobody knows [PASTE] thread. I always end up not doing it because I feel like that would be disingenuous.

319 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8308 07:30

>>32

>to see them reduced to mere objects to serve your bodily lust

That's your problem right there, man. Rather than interpreting sexual depiction of Touhou characters using the (polemically anti-male) concept of sexual objectification, you should interpret depiction of their sexuality as an intergral part of the depiction of their full humanity within the open canon of Touhou fan works.

After all, you do no not seriously headcanon every 2hu as asexual, do you?

320 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8308 10:40

>>319

> After all, you do no not seriously headcanon every 2hu as asexual, do you?

So what if I do? I also imagine them not needing to regularly eat, drink or use the toilet. At the risk of stating the obvious, fictional characters aren't real people, and have no obligation to behave like they are. Don't forget also that most of them aren't even human, and those who are are young enough that it wouldn't be surprising if they weren't interested in sex.

321 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8311 04:19

For years, I have had a recurring fantasy in which I am in Japan and I talk endlessly about random topics.

322 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8312 11:38

Most of the human characters are in like their early twenties. Everyone in the entire series is drinking alcohol constantly and Reimu is occasionally seen smoking a kiseru.

323 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8334 02:21

I ran out of toilet paper and dish soap the other day and instead of overcoming my social anxiety long enough to leave the house and go buy more I just ordered a pizza and asked for extra napkins and for some paper plates.

324 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8336 07:36

>>323
Funny, I'd take going to the self-service at Tesco over interacting with the pizza guy any day.

325 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8394 11:07

I never joined my university's anime society because I was scared of being judged for watching almost exclusively stupid moeblob anime.

326 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8394 18:36

Some people in my dorm were watching anime in the lounge, and in an effort to be friendly I decided to sit in for an episode. It was a pretty awful show to begin with, some maximally-contrived reverse harem where like eleven guys are all trying to get with their one stepsister, but it was also dubbed, and the whole time everyone was gushing over how this was a superstar voice cast and how great it was. I left because my cringe-o-meter was about to break. Like sure, not everything I watch is a pristine magnum opus for humankind, but come on, you're making me look bad.

327 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8476 10:08

So many people seem to admire me for my ability to not give a fuck what other people think. In reality I'm just paralyzed on how to react because it's all I can think about.

328 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8641 14:35

I don't visit here often enough and when I do I just make old jokes that have already died out. also, I necrobump threads

329 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8641 17:32

>>320
But your charge of "muh ujectufukayshin" to anyone who disagrees with your boring headcannon is ridiculous; obviously we are sexual beings, so we in projecting our own humanity onto fictional characters would percieve them to posess sexuality.

330 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8641 19:13

>>329

> "muh ujectufukayshin"

When did I ever say you aren't allowed to sexualise them? I'd just rather people keep that to themselves, and realise that not everyone wants everything to be sexual all the time.

> obviously we are sexual beings

Speak for yourself. I personally find sex rather dull and unpleasant.

331 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8641 19:47

jizz on Reimu's armpits

332 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8642 23:51

>>330

>keep that to themselves

No. I do not wish to display a "public face" on an anonymous board.

>speak for yourself

It was an exclusive "we".

333 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8643 09:09

>>330
Anecdata does not refute a generalisation. "Speak for yourself" as the entirety of your response simultaneously screams both "I'm a special snowflake, look how different I am!" and "Obviously my experience mirrors many others', behold my obnoxious lack of empathy!"

334 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8661 11:12

I really wanted to like Animal Crossing but I just can't get into it (or the sequel.) It's too limited to be a good sandbox but too aimless to be anything else.

335 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8672 10:02

my butt itched but I didn't scratch it and I went to bed with it itchy

336 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8672 19:30

>>335
Was it still itchy when you woke up?

337 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8672 23:39

archived purehoe's first post for future generations (and other textboards) to enjoy and laugh at
great confession, it was pretty lame

338 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8673 07:35

>>330
/polecat kebabs/

339 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8673 14:06

>>333
As the person he was replying to, it was kind of my fault for not specifying.

340 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8674 02:15

>>333
I am nobody in this conversation, but your response seems backwards. If X makes a sweeping generalization, Y refutes it, and X 1) complains and 2) maintains the generalization, it is X, not Y, who is demonstrating an obnoxious lack of empathy and claiming to represent the world.

341 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8674 19:36

>>340
Y performed no such refutation, as stated. "Speak for yourself" is ambiguous in whether it refers to "yourself, and nobody else" or "yourself and anyone else, but definitely not me". Further, if anyone (1) complains and (2) maintains the generalisation, it would appear to be a third party, Z, not X.

342 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8675 07:50

>>341
I'm not convinced that Y hasn't refuted anything. Here's how I'm picturing it: If X spoke and was unchallenged for a while, one could very reasonably believe the statement. But if Y rejects the statement, we now have only X's word and Y's word. There is no reason to assume that either X or Y are more typical elements than the other, so I don't think any wider conclusion can be reached. (That is, of course, in the "general" case, of course. No comment on the specific case that prompted this.)

If a third party Z comes in, then certainly things change. I can't say anything about the probability of such a reply being X vs Z, though. I can imagine X defending the original statement, and I can imagine a bystander speaking up. It is unfortunate side effect of these nameless discussions that determining this is hard.

343 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8707 14:31

When I was a kid, I thought people meant "bamboo chute" because it is a bamboo shoot is in a plausible shape to call it so.

344 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8710 04:45

Just now I took longer than I normally would have in the office toilet because someone knocked on the door. I stood around with my hands in the stream of water from the tap and enjoyed being the lord of my own little domain.

Then I went out and got a coffee.

345 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8710 09:41

I stood in a stairwell for 20 minutes with my ear pressed against the wall, waiting for a guy to arrive at his office. I then exited the stairwell and pretended to be coincidentally walking by, just so that I could talk with him before he had a chance to open his office door and start making those uninterruptible, hours-long phone calls he always makes.

346 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8715 01:08

Just as I was falling asleep last night, I thought of a great idea for the game I'm making. I woke up enough to scribble a bunch of notes about it and then after a half hour or so of feeling really good about my amazing brain, I fell asleep. When I woke up, the only part of all that chicken scratch I could make out said "then they".

All I could remember was something about colorful rotating cubes.

347 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8727 23:33

I sprawled out on the couch for a nap, and like clockwork, my cat jumped up and curled up right behind my ass. After a while I felt a fart building up pressure, and I got up and went to the can. Farting on the cat isn't any fun without a witness.

348 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8728 18:24

>>346
All my best music ideas materialise in the moments before sleep. I convince myself I'll remember them in the morning, knowing that even the slightest distraction of getting up to jot them down would purge them from my mind.

349 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8730 14:57

I hide from the mailman.

350 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8731 19:52

Sometimes I scroll through PDFs just to look at the typesetting.

351 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8732 07:29

I lied about brushing my teeth in the morning because I didn't want it to seem like I was laying in bed having not accomplished anything for the 2 hours after I'd woken up which then made it so that I couldn't brush my teeth without exposing the lie, and so I felt gross all day.

352 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8733 04:19

>>351
nice

353 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8733 07:04

My ultimate sexual fantasy is to go back in time and NTR myself. To steal my teenage girlfriend and make her orgasm over and over with my superior sexual prowess as my younger self watches and masturbates.

354 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8733 07:41

I stayed up late on the internet again instead of studying.

( ;_;)

355 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8735 05:20

>>354
I keep doing that too. Even when I know I'll regret it.

356 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8747 14:55

the poo in a butt thread is my most successful one yet.

357 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8748 12:24

>>356
That's it, you've peaked. It's all downhill from here

358 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8758 18:06

>>357
Yeah. glances wistfully at gun safe

359 Name: BOASTFUL AND PROUD : 1993-09-8759 16:51

>>356
Sucks to be you. As for myself, I started the original "post your lewd thoughts" and "1000 things LSD stands for" threads on SAOVQ!

360 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8760 05:40

I have downloaded several hundred gigabytes of animu over the past week. Some of it is old classics I've never gotten around to watching, some of it is guilty pleasures, and some of it is just random stuff I legitimately can't remember why I decided to get. I don't watch animu all that much anyway, and judging from past downloading binges, I feel a great deal of doubt as to whether I'll ever watch it all before I die.

Somehow there is more guilt in my heart from the wasted bandwidth than the fact that I illegally obtained the products of thousands upon thousands of hours of highly skilled labor without paying for any of it.

361 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8760 09:02

>>360
There's something satisfying about mass downloading shit. I recently downloaded a 23 gigabyte torrent of old PC-98 games only to discover that emulation is shit on OSX so I'll probably never actually play any of them.

One thing I've learned about the internet is to never assume stuff will be around forever... It might not be such a bad idea to mass-download animu and save it for a day when it's not available anymore.

Digital hoarding is also a lot less troublesome than actual hoarding.

362 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8760 12:41

>>361 I found using Parallels Desktop to run Windows XP on my mac was good for playing PC-98 games

363 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8760 19:21

>>360
I don't think anime producers care much about that - DVD sales matter much more, profit-wise, AFAIK.
You and >>361 are acting for the greater good. Digital archival and preservation of the past are much more important than licensing fees, in the grand scheme of things.

364 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8777 11:49

I once translated an ero manga and it was a lot of fun. I wish I could do more, but it's pretty much impossible now that I'm married and working full time.

365 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8784 02:17

I had a Japanese girlfriend for a while. One day after I told her a little about my day, she said "Oooo, you were rucky!" and I had the hardest time not laughing.

366 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8784 02:46

>>361
Is that available publicly?

368 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8784 07:49

Thanks!

369 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8809 22:29

When I was a little autistic kid watching tv, I'd sometimes focus so hard on trying to read a character's face that when I randomly remember some scene I watched back then, that character's face would be perfectly still, and its arms would go from down at its sides to flailing randomly all over and then back to its sides.

370 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8811 03:19

A waitress was asking me whether I want soup or salad, but I thought she was saying super salad, so I just said "yes," and everyone laughed at me.

371 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8811 10:07

>>370 Hahahaha brilliant!

372 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8812 01:06

It still kind of weirds me out to think that James Rolfe has a kid.

373 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8812 03:26

I can't stop doing a Vietnamese accent and saying "Would you like some fried fish" or some variation.

374 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8817 20:05

I always snicker a bit at the video game title "Altered Beast" since, at least where I come from, the word "altered" when applied to an animal is used as a euphemism for "neutered".

375 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8826 21:31

Sometimes when I go to the bathroom I sing "For He's A Jolly Good" in my head but with the lyrics changed to "I gotta go to the bathroom"

376 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8828 06:03

I still wish that TVs had those cool knob settings that changed how the screen looked. You could change the hue of the video, the sharpness, the contrast, and even the white balance that was used.

377 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8828 06:58

>>376
It's not knobs, but on most TVs you can still usually adjust most of that stuff if you dig through the menus.

378 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8828 11:46

knobs were a better interface for that

379 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8828 18:51

Knobs were brilliant. CRTs were brilliant. I had a crusty old 1600x1200 CRT for Mac OS 9.2 before the LCD resolution. (that was a pun)

380 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8828 18:52

All this talk of knobs makes me think of the British slang meaning of the word.

381 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8832 01:15

I'm always thinking of knobs, if by knobs you mean dicks

382 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8832 08:22

The real reason I don't use facebook/social media is because I'm afraid that one day I'll be fapping away and accidentally hit that "share this on facebook" button that every single porn tube site has for some godawful reason.

383 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8832 17:03

>>382
I've had that thought. Using both hands makes it less likely.

384 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8834 18:37

I just spent a week's salary on cute frilly clothes for crossdressing purposes.

385 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8834 18:56

I hope >>384 shows me photos of said crossdressing.

386 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8837 00:01

I find it weird to see "Lol" written. "lol" or "LOL", sure, but "Lol" is just kind of weird.

387 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8837 00:13

I know a couple people who use "LoL"

388 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8837 05:45

I don't clean up with a tissue after I jerk. Instead, I lick my hand clean.

389 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8837 13:40

>>387
That's okay if they're referring to League of Legends rather than Laugh Out Loud.

390 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8837 22:11

Leftover Orange Lightbulbs

391 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8838 11:58

Use of enjambment in a haiku really disgusts me but google suggests my distaste is not as widely shared as I had thought.

392 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8838 21:29

>>389
That's my thought, but they don't play League

393 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8879 00:13

Barfed so hard noodles came out of my nose

394 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8879 04:13

lol

395 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8881 09:03

Sometimes when I'm writing a text message and the auto-correct/auto-suggested word is particularly funny I just leave it in on purpose so I can make a "ducking autocorrect LOL" joke. Earlier it changed "Kroger" (a regional grocery store chain) to "Korea", which I thought was funny since my message ended up reading something about walking to Korea to buy bread.

396 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8881 12:40

>>391
How about semicolons?

397 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8882 07:48

>>395
I enjoyed your confession.

398 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8886 22:08

I would like to use services from a certain small LLC, but I don't want to tie my personal brand to theirs.

399 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8888 16:42

use of enjambment in a
haiku really irks
me, but it's quite popular

400 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8888 18:24

When I was a kid I thought Hitler was a title instead of some dictator's name, since "hit" is a violent action and all sorts of people get called Hitler for frivolous reasons.

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