Last night I stayed with my girlfriend at her parents' house, and I dreamt that I was having sex with someone, and I could push a button and my sexual partner changed through different people, and I flicked through until it was a fat old granny, and I was pumping away then I woke up and realised I'd ejaculated in my girlfriend's parents' guest bed.
>>238
When my neighbors do that all I think is "what an asshole".
I missed out on my squid lolis and I'm fucking upset!
Sometimes I'm slightly tempted to grow a little strip moustache under my nose and then if anyone asks "what's with the Hitler moustache?" act all offended and lecture them that it's a Charlie Chaplin moustache.
But then I figure people wouldn't see any humor in it and just shun me. Plus my coarse, curly facial pubes probably wouldn't grow into the desired effect.
>>244
I see the humour in it, but still find it kind of stupid. It'd be best if you never do that.
anime belongs in the trash
>>244
Unfortunately, that sort of stunt usually comes off as a lame attempt to get attention, despite whatever the original intention might have been.
>>244
People won't ask you. They'll just look at you funnily and judge you silently. They might even post about it on social media. "Today I saw a weird guy who had a Hitler mustache. How edgy and awkward."
>>258 is wise, and knows and sees and hears all. May we humbly bow to >>258-san, the light in darkness and the sight in blindness, for he has created and can destroy us, and will do so for reasons we small-minded apes can know, but not comprehend. He lives in the tubes, and he has chosen us to be his people, the Favored Race of >>285. May He bring mercy to our souls. Amen.
>>246 I might agree as far as most of it goes. There are some really good series though. I haven't watched a new one for five years now so maybe it's all trash at this point
I used to think that "Faxanadu" was pronounced "facks-uh-nah-doo".
Sometimes I google the more interesting quotes from the "[BEYOND DQN] Someone else's comment from some site nobody knows [PASTE]" thread because I'm curious where they came from.
Wait, there's such a thing as a "gentoo penguin"? Here all this time I thought the Linux distro's name came from a doofy abbreviation for "second generation".
>>256
I google the ones that I think come from vox day's blog, and most of the time, they do.
I've seen so many spoofs on "roses are red, violets are blue" that I've forgotten what the original last two lines are.
I've gotten pretty good at using the can opener on my Swiss army knife because sometimes I take a can of beans into the thicket of trees behind my house and eat them cold while pretending it's a post-apocalyptic setting.
>>260
There aren't any. It was the original snowclone meme, older than the Internet, going back to the 1940s at least.
My screen is so dirty it literally looks like a snowstorm.
I'm kind of glad to have started the Punctual Gomez Testimonial riff, mostly because everyone else picked it up and ran with it.
Feels good.
I like bumping threads.
>>249
I just wish someone would make live action porn with the creativity of a Chinese cartoon. Any plot beyond "2+ people having sex in a house" would really help my masturbation sessions.
>>268
It's time to join the wonderful world of JAV watchers anon.
When I was a kid, for a year after reading this poem I was terrified of eating a peanut butter sandwich.
http://sandwichesaregood.weebly.com/peanut-butter.html
>>270
The covers of JAVs are my favourite part, the actual video is usually pretty bad.
>>270
The cosplay ones are pretty straightforward if you know the characters.
People on the train were talking about games they play on their daily commute. I mentioned Fire Emblem, and they were all like "what." Turned out they were talking about Angry Birds and Candy Crush.
I love casuals because they give me a totally undeserved and useless sense that I'm in some kind of elite.
>>275
Never engage in conversation with strangers about things that sound like things you're into. You will only be disappointed.
Got into a wrestling match with my girlfriend while scrolling through the cable TV menu when I found the last half hour of Old Yeller was on. I said "Awesome! This is the best part!" and selected it, but before I could change the channel, she said "Don't you dare!" and lunged for the remote.
It was a fierce battle and she bit my arm before I pinned her to the couch and changed the channel.
The work-related stuff I did at work today amounted to sending two emails.
Weeks after first reading >>1, I still have nothing to confess.
I don't drink coffee because I'm scared of becoming addicted and caffeine dependent.
>>283 caffeine isn't really like hard drugs, the "withdrawal" is just your body realizing how tired it actually is.
I've wanted to start a thread like the "control tower" thread for months but I never actually do it because I'm less knowledgeable than the "GM" of that thread and also I fear I would be cutting into the limited traffic of DQN and would wind up in some sort of competition with the other thread.
>>285
I tried to continue the other CYOA thread but I was unable to continue because I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't make me embarrassed in hindsight, also I think there wasn't enough interest to continue, so I just made like one post months ago.
All things considered, this is quite the lame confession.
>>285
>>286
I also want to start a CYOA, but one that will get DQNs to like my fetishes and all agree that they are erotic or at least funny and not annoying to reference nearly constantly in the CYOA subject matter, but I don't because I would have to end up writing about everyone else's weird fetishes instead and pretending that I think they are erotic or at least funny and not annoying to reference nearly constantly.
Also how embarrassing would it be if everyone hated your fetishes and you couldn't ever continue that CYOA thread or make a different one without people thinking you were the OP which you were. It would be terrible to be anonymously scorned.
This is a very useful thread.
"PINGAS" is still able to crack me up.
>>288
On a related note, I really like "cuck". Someone on /tv/ described the plot of Back to the Future as "cucking yourself out of existence" and it cracked me up.
Anime has made me cry, as in full on bawling and tears streaming down my face, exactly twice. Once was when Reuenthal died in Legend of the Galactic Heroes(I get moist-eyed thinking about that scene even now), the other was the Hidamari Sketch Sae/Hiro graduation special, when the younger girls catch up to them after the ceremony and beg them to repeat a year.
>>285-287
I ran one for a while but decided it wasn't worth the effort.
As a young teen looking at the jukebox select screen for the original Rise of the Triad, I used to wonder who Smeg was and what it meant to run like him.
Even before I understood what a Juggalo was, I thought Faygo soda was funny because the name looks like a combination of gay and fag.
I'm bumping this thread just so that other threads I like less don't stay on the front page for as long.
I have scoliosis.
I am a schoolbus
I rode the short bus.
>>302
We are all going to become filthy rich once the DQN Shirt Novel is done, printed and published. I'm sure of it. It will start a new trend among yound and daring authors. Books studying the DQN Shirt Novel will still be written 200, no, 500 years in the future.
>>302
I'm glad you share your ideas. Sites like this survive on fresh content. Besides, you're not giving up possibility of profit just because you posted them on the net, you could still publish a book that collects all your ideas.
I was 20 seconds earlier to the building than the cute girl who works on the floor below, and rather than awkwardly/creepily wait for her or make her wait for the elevator to come back, I ran up several flights of stairs instead.
It's the first day of classes and I'm nervous because I'm not good at TAing. Also, I hate commuting when this college town is full of people.
CLPPNG gives me goosebumps.
I complain that I have no friends, but the second anyone tries to message me I get irritated because I don't feel like talking. Everyday life is very lonely, so I go for walks around where I live (there's a surprising amount of sidewalks, even on highways!) and I hope that someone will talk to me, but no one ever talks to a no-good NEET.
I become afraid that not only am I a monster, but I look like one too. But then I realize even if someone did talk to me, I'd have nothing interesting to talk about, and I'd get way too nervous.
When I started playing the Final Fantasy X HD remake, one of my main thoughts was that Yuna should have been designed to show way more sideboob. Then I wondered if I should have felt bad about having that thought, then I decided that I had no reason to feel bad about it.
>>312 hey, this is the lame confessional, not comedy night. I'm not here to entertain you, I'm here to get absolution for my lame sins.
>>313 It was completely sincere, it was an interesting thought that i pondered for a few minutes...
>>314 in that case, I apologize, and I'm happy that someone else thought about the same thing I did.
>>311
I bought X-2 because of Rika's outfit.
I got a really fun game out of the deal, but it wasn't that sexy.
Yeah, X-2 is deceptive in that it looks like it's full of fanservice from the outside, but it's not really so much, especially considering the length of the game. Not even close to something like Ar tonelico or Senran Kagura or something like that.
Sometimes I'm tempted to post my own comments that I'm particularly proud of from other sites in the [BEYOND DQN] Someone else's comment from some site nobody knows [PASTE] thread. I always end up not doing it because I feel like that would be disingenuous.
>to see them reduced to mere objects to serve your bodily lust
That's your problem right there, man. Rather than interpreting sexual depiction of Touhou characters using the (polemically anti-male) concept of sexual objectification, you should interpret depiction of their sexuality as an intergral part of the depiction of their full humanity within the open canon of Touhou fan works.
After all, you do no not seriously headcanon every 2hu as asexual, do you?
> After all, you do no not seriously headcanon every 2hu as asexual, do you?
So what if I do? I also imagine them not needing to regularly eat, drink or use the toilet. At the risk of stating the obvious, fictional characters aren't real people, and have no obligation to behave like they are. Don't forget also that most of them aren't even human, and those who are are young enough that it wouldn't be surprising if they weren't interested in sex.
For years, I have had a recurring fantasy in which I am in Japan and I talk endlessly about random topics.
Most of the human characters are in like their early twenties. Everyone in the entire series is drinking alcohol constantly and Reimu is occasionally seen smoking a kiseru.
I ran out of toilet paper and dish soap the other day and instead of overcoming my social anxiety long enough to leave the house and go buy more I just ordered a pizza and asked for extra napkins and for some paper plates.
>>323
Funny, I'd take going to the self-service at Tesco over interacting with the pizza guy any day.
I never joined my university's anime society because I was scared of being judged for watching almost exclusively stupid moeblob anime.
Some people in my dorm were watching anime in the lounge, and in an effort to be friendly I decided to sit in for an episode. It was a pretty awful show to begin with, some maximally-contrived reverse harem where like eleven guys are all trying to get with their one stepsister, but it was also dubbed, and the whole time everyone was gushing over how this was a superstar voice cast and how great it was. I left because my cringe-o-meter was about to break. Like sure, not everything I watch is a pristine magnum opus for humankind, but come on, you're making me look bad.
So many people seem to admire me for my ability to not give a fuck what other people think. In reality I'm just paralyzed on how to react because it's all I can think about.
I don't visit here often enough and when I do I just make old jokes that have already died out. also, I necrobump threads
>>320
But your charge of "muh ujectufukayshin" to anyone who disagrees with your boring headcannon is ridiculous; obviously we are sexual beings, so we in projecting our own humanity onto fictional characters would percieve them to posess sexuality.
> "muh ujectufukayshin"
When did I ever say you aren't allowed to sexualise them? I'd just rather people keep that to themselves, and realise that not everyone wants everything to be sexual all the time.
> obviously we are sexual beings
Speak for yourself. I personally find sex rather dull and unpleasant.
jizz on Reimu's armpits
>keep that to themselves
No. I do not wish to display a "public face" on an anonymous board.
>speak for yourself
It was an exclusive "we".
>>330
Anecdata does not refute a generalisation. "Speak for yourself" as the entirety of your response simultaneously screams both "I'm a special snowflake, look how different I am!" and "Obviously my experience mirrors many others', behold my obnoxious lack of empathy!"
I really wanted to like Animal Crossing but I just can't get into it (or the sequel.) It's too limited to be a good sandbox but too aimless to be anything else.
my butt itched but I didn't scratch it and I went to bed with it itchy