Rated 5 out of 5
Life Changing
It’s difficult for me to put into words what the Thermapen MK4 means to me and my overall quality of life, that of my family, and that of those that swagger up to the bountiful trough of smoked meats I provide. Comparing this instrument of gloriousness to any cooking or bbq’ing temperature accessory is like comparing the Death Star to a package of Kraft singles that’s passed its expiration date.
Number 1. Why does anyone have Kraft singles? That’s not cheese homie. That’s a guy in a lab coat tinkering with leftover yellow chemicals.
Number 2. This Death Star has no secret hidden design flaws.
I bought a competitive product one time - the most expensive one offered at the time - and you had to hold the sides of it for an “instant” reading. The only problem was their definition of instant was about the length of the movie Rambo First Blood, which I have on loop at my home because I’m an American. Also, I have a unique issue in that I have human hands made of skin and that proved problematic in holding the device over a blazing inferno of lump charcoal for any period of time past 4 seconds into Rambo.
When I first saw this product I thought hey… $100 is a lot of money. I could buy hatchet and a betta fish, or a subscription to the meat of the month club (which prolly exists). To say I was naïve is to say Trump doesn’t tweet enough.
The Thornelious Pentacular 5000, as I like to call it, is as advertised. This thing knows when it’s dark outside. A freaking light comes on so you can see it. How can it do that? Why is it so courteous? How many tiny Harry Potter sorcerers live inside this magical wand?
Sometimes, I forget it’s on - because I talk to people sometimes - and I come back and this thing has turned itself off. What kind of a backroom gangsta deal did this thing make with the battery companies to allow that? Did he trade them a bottle of Pappy for it? Two bottles of Pappy? No, prolly just one, because two would be like 50 grand.
I don’t understand Thornelious’s ways, but I sure do appreciate the results. You want rare, you want medium, you want medium rare - done deal, Thornelious is on it in 2 seconds (if he’s hungover). You want well done? Get outta here, leave now.
Sometimes, I take it to restaurants, partly because I don’t want him to feel left out, but also I like to leave it on the table, just to let the establishment know that I’m there, and I like to party. You think the guys in back don’t know Thornelious is out there? Oh they know… trust me… they know. They know they better not be bringing no 150 degree internal temp out to this hombre. Thornelious will Dikembe that steak into the cheap seats and wave his probe in defiance.
I open. I close. I probe. I make it rain with grilling perfection, thanks to the Thornelious Pentacular 5000, formerly known as the Thermapen MK4. If you don’t buy one, I look forward to your term paper on the benefits of communism and eliminating puppies.