Lame Confessional [LAME] (999)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5796 14:44

Today, I crossed the street in the middle. I did not check both ways.

901 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6889 16:14

(if you aren't familiar with the genre, by the way, sardonic humor is actually a bigger part of it than you might suspect)

902 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6889 21:05

I'm severely addicted to the WWW

903 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6890 08:10

I have, in the past, had long baths with candles and a book, massages, weekend retreats; all sorts of supposedly relaxing activities - and none of them were ever as relaxing as two minutes of sitting watching the emergency mittens floating down the screen.

904 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6891 20:39

When I was a kid, Mom said I had spent way too much time on the computer playing the game. The game said I had only like 8 hours, and computers don't lie, so I called her BS and we got into a big fight.

Only later did I find out that FFVIIPC runs the clock at half speed.

905 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6891 20:40

(I started at "7" hours, by the way)

906 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6892 23:08

I spend ~18 hours online a day

907 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6893 00:11

I spend ~18 hours in bed a day

908 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6893 04:04

909 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6898 10:09

I can only barely get through stage 2 of Perfect Cherry Blossom without dying.

910 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6922 01:40

It annoys me that my favorite cultures are among the most racist.

911 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6923 06:36

I have this guitar, but I don't know how to play it.

912 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6923 13:59

I went to the bathroom today and I didn't wipe.

913 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6925 22:41

our singer writes the worst fucking music and I don't want to tell him without hurting his feelings because he's a whiny bitch like that but god damn it this song is terrible i haven't practised it at all
and when he tells us to rehearse it i'm just going to say
fuck you
let the people who play the instruments write music for the instruments
you fucking untalented hack
you can't even sing
die in a fire
or something

914 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6928 02:22

My computer is too slow for the aforementioned social games I do not have friends who play.

915 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6932 02:32

I've masturbated to pictures of dissected brains.
Why do I feel slightly proud of myself ?

People's insides really gives me a chubby.

916 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6932 03:00

Whenever I'm bored and have an erection I play a game called "What can I jerk off to?" I'll just think about totally random things or look at various objects in my room and try jerking off to them. My research indicates the answer to be "Anything."

917 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6932 09:01

>>916
I used to play that game too but I've found the older I get the harder it is to get off.

918 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6932 22:59

>>913 oh man I've been there

The only time that I remember
Talking to a girl at schooool

...worried that she might say no!

919 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6933 01:27

I tripped a girl once and made her cry.

920 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6933 03:38

I tripped a guy once and made him really angry.

921 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 03:25

Ever since someone complained about people derailing the short novel threads with nonsense, I like to do just that to spite him when I otherwise probably wouldn't even post in the thread.

922 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6988 07:57

I am far more excited about the upcoming 7000th of September than about Halloween or Christmas.

923 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7010 22:49

I've turned my young schoolgirl lover into an addict with weird synthetic powders

924 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7010 23:25

>>921
Wait, the short novel threads aren't supposed to be full of nonsense?

925 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7011 02:21

>>924
It's supposed to be sequential nonsense, that ties into itself nicely and perhaps touches on the main themes of GSL and Daddy Cool.

926 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7017 08:23

Since I lost my job I was waking up well past 11:00, which feels me with a pure hatred of myself every time. I keep trying to wake up earlier, but it doesn't happen. I'm in a hermit-like state as a result.

927 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 04:01

One time I was playing with a Stretch Armstrong toy with the little sister of a classmate who I didn't like, and when Stretch was stretched out far enough that she began to lean back to stretch further, I deliberately let go so that she fell on her ass.

928 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 05:29

I get really angry when people post Tumblr links on DQN and then chat in the CTRL+V thread. I bet it's the same guy doing both.

929 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 15:50

I fucking loved Madoka, however it has forced me to come to terms with the fact that you could probably create just about anything involving cute girls wearing frilly dresses and I'd call it a masterpiece.

930 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 23:53

I haven't contributed a good post to DQN since at least September 5500.

931 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 00:39

I didn't understand what "hotglue" was until recently. I thought it was actually hot glue (like from a glue gun) and some people just liked the idea of figures being submerged in it (hey, there are weirder fetishes).

I feel so naive. It's like the time I discovered dakimakura were sex toys and I'd been doing it wrong for years.

932 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7105 10:16

If I ever have a kid I want a smart girl because I hate boys and stupid people, but not too hot because I don't want to worry about being attracted to her.

933 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7105 12:16

I would quite like to have a daughter that I could dress in frilly dresses and whatnot, sort of like vicarious crossdressing.

934 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7105 15:26

While I find the thought of sexual activity in a purely recreational form appealing, the actual process of reproduction is revolting to me.

935 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7105 16:18

>>934
That's not lame, that's the kind of good thinking that keeps the population in check.

I accidentally replied to the whole mailing list instead of the sender yesterday.

936 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7105 20:32

i would welcome a DQN into my home

937 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7106 12:46

i would welcome a goat onto my lawn

938 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7106 13:39

I don't have a lawn. I don't even have an ambition to get a lawn.

939 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7106 13:43

I'd buy a patch of turf just to let a goat feel welcome, should one visit.

940 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7106 17:14

I'm so hungry I could eat a goat

941 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7111 21:44

I read the entirety of http://archives.4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1184219871/, and the ending nearly brought me to tears.

942 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7111 22:57

I have just finished reading the story of Boatmurdered. I am deeply touched by it. I feel slightly desperate.

943 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7111 23:27

I believe that a life spent dealing with textual communication has given me nearly supernatural powers that others lack.

944 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7112 01:46

>>943
What are these powers? I'd like to check whenever I have them as well!

945 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7112 06:26

>>942
I read both the sequels straight after that just to fill the gaping hole in my life. Took days. Fucking killed my grades but totally worth it.

946 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7112 11:39

Kryptonite is my weakness.

947 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7113 22:38

I missed with my mouse and accidentally pooped the perfect rating on someone's picture on pixiv.

I hit my lips pretty hard when I was lifting my hand in shame and surprise.

948 Name: Minister of Kobithe : 1993-09-7114 11:08

I murdered >>0

949 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7114 13:59

>>256
I am now nearly 26 and, despite having obtained a university degree, gotten a basic training certificate (and working towards a more advanced one) and started training in a third language, I am still yet to hold an actual job.

Jesus Christ.

950 Name: Minister of Severity : 1993-09-7114 14:14

>>948
That's a rather drastic confession, this is clearly not lame.

I broke 4chan's linking system in order to sabotage the republic.

951 Name: Minister of Kobithe : 1993-09-7114 14:23

>>950
it's lame because i didn't actually murder >>0

952 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7116 00:26

Whenever I was going through the complete collection of NES ROMs that I downloaded, I would pass over "Sweet Home" because the title made me imagine some overly saccharine house building sim or something equally "kawaii" that probably wasn't even translated. Even when I heard it referred to as being creepy a few times, I assumed it was people being sarcastic or just one of those Japanese things that's "too weird" for a western audience. It was only when I saw it referred to together with Clock Tower (which I recently played and enjoyed) that I decided to actually give it a try.

953 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7116 01:24

I genuinely get slightly upset when people sexualise Touhou. Needless to say, I keep well away from most Touhou-centric areas of the internet because of this.

954 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7116 01:27

I drove 40mph in a 30mph area for a few seconds before I realized where I was and slowed down.

>>949
I wasn't in quite in as bad a way as you, but I got a careerish job after NEETing for two years after college at 24.

955 Name: !ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-7118 18:14

I'm procrastinating instead of finishing a picture of the DQN lobby.

Every day I remember about it and feel ashamed. I can't do anything because of the shame!

956 Name: !ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-7119 18:06

I'm completely disabled by a sense of guilt. I can only manage to lie down and cry.

957 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7122 01:32

So, as the Earth keeps spinning around and about mercilessly, I find myself in shortage of stories about age-mates whose personal lives resemble train wrecks.

That's what helped my loser mentality stay afloat. This realisation makes me quite sad, really. As planet's rotations push me closer to the title of "The Ultimate Loser", I just don't know what should I do and what can I do. I don't even know how to learn this. I just panic when I see the whole picture.

You might be wondering, "What does the Earth has to do with it? What would change for me even if it stopped?" Well, such a spectacular tragedy would change pretty much everything. Certainly I wouldn't have time to pity myself.

958 Name: Minister of Crossposting : 1993-09-7125 11:42

I'm posting in the wrong thread.

Or am I?

959 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7125 20:21

I forgot that my friend is waiting for me...

960 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7134 03:51

I took a big shit and took a photo of it on my phone, then set it as my phone wallpaper

961 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7134 04:59

>>960 Did you ever see the South Park episode "More Crap"?

Anyway, I sometimes worked with guys who would show off their biggest crap. I never had any impressive craps.

962 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7134 06:13

I forgot to fap today, now I'm at a higher risk of prostate cancer.

963 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7134 15:44

>>961 I have seen that episode yes. It's not the biggest I have done, but it was just to show my girlfriend, she likes to see my progress

964 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7134 17:07

>>963 Does she show you hers?

965 Name: Minister of Crossdressing : 1993-09-7134 17:24

>>958 Hey want to hang out some time?

966 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7134 21:02

>>964 No, I burst in once when she had diarrhoea and it was messy but she got really embarrassed and I felt bad.

967 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7134 21:22

tfw no gf

968 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7141 05:47

If I ever got filthy, unbelievably rich, I would probably run out of hedonistic pleasures pretty quickly and just bankroll Everybody Loves Clonepa Productions or something.

969 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7141 12:11

I don't have a girlfriend. I'm not looking for one. I don't mind it.

970 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7147 01:39

  • I coughed up 40 bux back in the day and bought Windows 8.
  • I installed Windows 8.
  • I broke all apps by stopping sharing Users folder.
  • I had to look everywhere on the web, eventually finding fixes through obscure websites (though downloads were from Microsoft).
  • Fixes didn't actually fix the broken apps and I had to reinstall them, thankfully I had only default ones.
  • I couldn't be arsed to actually reinstall all of the apps.
  • I'm struggling with the learning curve. Probably learning how to be like a pro in Linux terminal is easier.
  • I don't want to read a manual for Windows 8.

All that trouble and annoyance for a price of getting banned 4 times from "the most funny" webforum online!

971 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7147 12:33

>>970
Yes, Windows 8 should be banned from the "most funny" webforum online's ex-sub-forum Helldump.

972 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7147 13:08

https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/download/details.aspx?id=36188
Who is lame now, Windows 7?! BRB, installing Windows ME on my Windows 8! #YOLO. #Swag.

973 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7158 15:12

When someone says "honk honk" my first thought is Gamzee rather than Chen.

974 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7158 17:07

>>973 i think of a car or titties.

975 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7158 19:00

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!! ( > ω < )

976 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7159 01:12

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977 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7159 02:45

>>973 My first thought is Harpo Marx.

Can't go wrong with the classics, man...

978 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7159 03:19

>>976
cute

979 Name: >>308 : 1993-09-7159 13:11

>>976
CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

980 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7169 10:18

Yama no Susume was so beautiful it brought me to tears.

981 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7169 12:11

>>980
I can't wait for the shower scene OVA.

982 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7169 15:31

wat

983 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7169 18:16

I just misread "cunning lies" as "cunnilingus".

984 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7169 22:45

I just misread "cunnilingus" as "cuntaluffigus".

985 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7169 23:22

I just misread “cuntaluffigus” as “cuntflap waffles”.

986 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7170 00:19

( ゚ -゚) I just misread “cuntflap waffles” as "There is no hope, your future is doomed."

987 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7170 02:55

That's it. I'm getting the cuticle scissors.

988 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7179 20:26

I haven't seen a film I haven't understood.

989 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7179 21:25

When I was registering my new cool Bamboo Pen, I couldn't get the software key working. I mailed all my info to support, the guy said that the key is fine and asked me to check whenever I had the right model selected. I wrote that it was fine and the key wasn't working even thought I tried replacing W with VV, etc. So, that support guy asked me to check it again, but this time he specified to look at the model number. He was right, I selected the older model instead of "Bamboo 3. Gen. Pen".

That was deeply embarrassing. I can't get myself to draw anything due to the stress.

990 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7179 22:52

>>989 silly billy, don't let it get to you though, turn that embarrassment and stress into some profound artwork

991 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7180 09:22

I mastered these jokes to such a casual level that I don't even know what to write about when I see a specialized thread.

It's like I'm hollow inside after reading that comic. But this feeling will probably fade away on the next youtube visit.

992 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7183 17:17

I really hate this board. It annoys me that there's such a great English text board site out there, and most of its posters are hanging out on what is basically the "forum games" section. Months go between posts on the topical boards, but people post here every day. While I don't want the boards to be lightning fast (and slow boards are generally higher quality), I think you're all doing the site a disservice by playing around in the worst board and not contributing to the pretty interesting threads going on in others. Even worse are the people who liked "ITT: we role-play as grandpa ( ´ω`) [AA] [VIP]" so much that they spun it off into its own site.

It's not that I mind catchphrases or having fun, I just think you're squandering a great website and I hate every single one of you.

993 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7183 17:43

I think >>992 is dumb not because his opinion differs fol mine but because he doesn't understand why the other boards are dead.

994 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7183 18:10

>>992
Having fun is a more noble cause for a textboard like DQN than any other. I mean we still have good discussion but we're not USENET, not to mention that this is basically what the 2ch VIP boards are like.

995 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7183 19:01

>>992
Someone's grumpy about #11!

996 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7183 20:02

>>992

( ´ω`) Remember when 4-ch was good?

( ´ω`) Neither do I!

997 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7183 22:55

> Modified /b/ meme
> 4-ch

facepalm.iff, >>996

998 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7184 03:52

Sometimes I don't stick on topic in this thread.

999 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7184 03:57

I find Disney princess pretty hot.

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